Tainted Love
by Trinity23Rose
Summary: Jessica is a meteor freak - she can see people's past just by looking at them. She comes to Smallville. She's captured by Lex's men. When he sees her sth changes in him, but she sees his past and she's terrified... Is thatLoveImpossible?
1. Chapter 1 RUN

_**Although this is a slight crossover with True Blood show I put it into the Smallville category because I only took two characters from True Blood - Jessica & Bill. They are not vampires... at least so far... and the most part of this fanfiction is about Smallville and Bill appears only in a couple of chapters. **_

* * *

><p><em>PROLOG:<em>

_I couldn't believe it…_

_I just still couldn't believe!_

_My life changed for the better in the split of a second._

_Before that second I'd been miserable and I'd been so sure that I would never be happy again, never be able to smile again._

_Until now… when Clark told me THIS._

_I was running through the crowded city. All the people were standing there on the streets, looking in the sky and wondering whether it was the end. The very end of the world._

_A fire planet was heading toward Earth and it seemed like no one could stop it._

_I didn't care. My world had ended a long time ago with the death of the person I'd loved most. And now… now I could be happy again. If I believed Clark._

_So I didn't care about the End. Maybe Clark would manage to stop it anyway._

_All that was in my head was the fact that I would be reunited with him... with my lost love..._

_I was heading toward the LuthorCorp…_

_I pushed the door open and – of course – there was no one in there. The usually crowded place was now completely empty. Not even a single person... but I was heading toward the very top of he building. To the one particular office._

_I was breathing heavily, my heart was pounding hard in my chest… so hard that I could hear it._

_Was it foolish of me to have this hope? The hope that I would find him there? That I would find him healthy and fine? I'd seen on my own eyes that the van had exploded... I'd seen the evidence of his death, but this time it was different. That was the classified project of the LuthorCorp._

_I stood by the door of his office and I stared at it, trembling._

_If it wasn't true after all I would want the world to end but if it was truth… _Clark, please, save us all!

_I reached to the doorknob and turned it._

_I let the door swung open and…_

…_I saw him._

_It had to be him!_

_But… Oh my God… Tess… Tess was dead! He must had killed her!_

_Her dead body was lying on the ground. I was too shocked to say a word..._

_He sensed that he wasn't alone in the room anymore because he turned to look at me._

_It was he. He. He. He. The perfect he. But… why was he wearing only one black glove on his right hand? Wait… the glove! I remembered it from somewhere…_

_I saw sparks in his eyes and he suddenly rushed toward me. I was unable to move. Stunned. Couldn't breathe at all._

_Maybe it was a dream?_

_He looked at me closely and then he put his hands on my arms. I had the impression that my heart stopped._

_He bent over and I felt his lips over mine. He kissed me and the familiar but long lost feeling of being save and in the right place in the universe was back. Our love was back. The sparkle, the electricity, the attraction, the desire and the passion. I felt the wonderful scent of his skin… I'd been hopelessly craving for all of these for so long…_

_Then he stopped kissing me and moved back a little, still with his hands on my shoulders._

_He looked puzzled and confused._

_I didn't understand why. Clark had told me that he was completely fine, that he was himself.  
><em>

_"Why do I love you?" he asked me. "How do I know you?"_

…

* * *

><p>My name is Jessica Hamby. I'm meteor infected.<p>

* * *

><p>I'd been traveling with my parents years ago. We'd been driving through a small city, nothing spectacular, but it'd seemed pleasurably nice and quiet to me. The sky had been so clear and blue without clouds, the grass on the fields so green. The village had been peaceful and it'd looked like a perfect place to start a family.<p>

Then the horror had started. It'd been like I'd thought too much good things about Smallville.

The meteors had started falling down from the sky crashing and destroying everything on their way.

The beautiful sky had been now invaded by them, the grass had been crashed and burned.

One of the meteors had fallen on our car. I'd been sitting on the back, my parents in the front… I'd been 10 years old and I'd burst into crying when I'd felt the impact.

The meteor had landed right on the front of our car, on my parents, leaving me completely untouched but in so deep and painful shock…

I'd passed out and the next thing I remembered was waking up in the hospital.

They'd called my uncle – the only one living relative I'd left, my father's brother.

My father'd been keeping a distance from him. I'd had no idea why and when I'd been asking about it he'd never answered me.

Uncle Bill had taken me from hospital to his house in Metropolis and I'd been living with him ever since...

I'd been recovering from the painful past and when I'd thought I'd managed – it'd turned out that I'd been wrong...

When I'd become a teenager I'd started seeing things. Strange things. First I'd thought that it'd been just a figment of my imagination, that I'd had some weird hallucinations.

It'd started one morning in school. I'd looked at my best friend – Wendy – and I'd seen her mother kissing another woman. It'd struck me and I'd felt dizzy. Had I been normal? Had I been crazy? I'd ignored it but then every time I'd looked at another person I'd been seeing something.

I'd been seeing their families, their problems, their addictions and their darkest secrets…

So I'd finaly dared to ask my friend about her mom.

"Oh my god! How did you know that?" she'd yelled at me with tears in her eyes. "Yeah! That's the sensation number one! The biggest story of the year! My mother's a lesbian! I saw her last week when… when…" she'd cried.

"I think… I think that I can see people's past." I'd gone one step too far and admitted that.

"What the heck are you talking about? You really have no shame to make up something like that just to hide the truth that you've been spying on me!"

"But I'm telling you the truth!" I'd yelled after her while she'd turned on me to walk away.

When I'd come back home my uncle had welcomed me with a dinner he'd cooked.

Then I'd been through another big shock.

I'd seen him. I'd seen him with a lot of women. He'd been treating them so badly and doing such dreadful things to them and with them that it'd made me sick…

Finally I'd had the answer to the question why my father had always been keeping us all away from him.

I'd finally knew why my uncle Bill had never gotten married or had children. He'd preffered a different style of life.

He'd seemed so nice to me but the truth had been that he hadn't been nice at all. He hadn't even been a good person.

"Jess, are you OK?" he'd asked looking at me closely, worried.

"Ehm… yeah… I think it's some kind of a flu. I'll go to my room and lay down…" I'd turned to run.

That had been the moment that had led me directly to the place when I was now.

I'd made a decision then, I'd had to save enough money to get myself out of that place. Away from my uncle. I'd been sure that would be the thing my father would want for me.

I'd started saving money, but it hadn't been my only concern. I'd also had to learn how to live with my new discovered gift – or maybe a curse. I'd become a loner, an outsider, rejected by everybody.

And then… after a couple of years when I started thinking when and where to run… how to make even more money to run far far away… I found it.

The Isis Foundation.


	2. Chapter 2 BLANK

The Isis Foundation.

The owner was curently Chloe Sullivan who'd taken over Lana Lang, Lex Luthor's ex wife. It was a very interesting story, though. She'd wanted to escape from him so she'd faked her own death…

I would've probably found out a lot of scandals and hidden secrets if I'd met one of them or even Chloe herself, but… well… I had no choice. This foundation had been offering help for people just like me so I had to take that chance and what more – I had to get away from my uncle. Immediately.

I took all the money I'd saved and opened a new account in another bank. I had something left from my parents but my uncle also had an access to this so I had to transfer it all.

All I left him was a note that I was leaving and I wouldn't be back… at least, not very soon and I asked him not to look for me.

* * *

><p>I came to Smallville and found myself quite surprised because the city hadn't seemed to change at all.<p>

I faced the same small town, the same clearings, the same grass and fields and I could even see the great Luthor's mansion in the distance.

First, of course, I looked for the Isis Fundation.

I found it very quickly and walked inside. I looked for Chloe Sullivan or some secretary but I found none.

"Excuse me?" I asked. "Is anybody here?"

"'Coming!" I heard a woman's voice in response and soon I saw a small blonde girl. It was Chloe, I remembered her from the pictures on the webpage.

Of course as soon as I looked in her eye I saw it. The usual.

I saw a little blonde little girl crying because her mother had left. Then I saw a grown-up Chloe, she'd been visiting her mom in a psychiatric hospital.

"Is everything alright?" Chloe asked me a little concerned. "You look pale…"

"I'm fine," I said quickly shaking my head. "My name is Jessica Hamby and I'm meteor infected." I reached my hand out to her.

"Chloe Sullivan, I'm here to help in the best way possible. I'm meteor infected myself."

"Really? What do you do?" I got interested. "If I may..." I added quickly.

"I'm healing," she answered smiling to me.

"That sounds fantastic…"

"Yeah, but every time I do it I… well… die for a while… The first time… I woke up in the morgue."

"I'm sorry, that must had been awful."

"Come in, have a sit." she encouraged me pointing her desk and a chair.

"Thanks," I said and sat down. "It… It's not easy to admit what I can do because I don't know how you'll take the fact that… what… what I've just found out about you," I said stammering a little.

"It's OK," she said and smiled again. "You have nothing to be worried about. It's not your fault."

"I can see people's past just by looking at them," I said it really quickly to get it over with.

She didn't answer right away. I was watching her face closely, looking for some reaction.

"Aren't you gonna say something?" I asked confused.

"So… you can see all of people's past? How is it working exactly?"

"When I see somebody for the first time I can see their past, the darkest secrets, things they want to hide and then… I can control it, but not in the first place."

"Did you see anything… disturbing about me?" she asked carefully.

But she kept smiling to me! She must be a very nice person, I thought immediately feeling much better.

"Yeah… I saw what happened to your mother, I'm sorry…" I answered honestly, avoiding her eyes.

"It's OK, you can't control it so I can't be mad at you, but you do understand that I would prefer to keep it a secret?"

"Of course," I agreed. "It's not my secret to tell anyway."

"Alright then… I have to tell you that there's no exact cure. Do you realize that?"

"Sure, I just need some help, not the cure itself but I do admit that if there was one… it would be a lot easier for me to live without that… ability," I said because I didn't really want to use words like "gift" or "curse". "I was popular back then when I didn't have it and now… I'm an outsider. My best friend hates me."

"Sorry to hear that, but maybe she wasn't such a good friend after all? I have a friend with a secret myself and I didn't leave him even when I found out that he was lying to me the whole time. I understood his reasons."

"And I will understand that you would rather keep him away from me."

"I don't think he'll be a problem… I have to ask... have you ever thought of... working for the goverment or something like that?"

"You mean... like espionage? No, I don't feel comfortable spying on people."

"That's good... That makes you a good person... so let's start… tell me how it began, when and where you were in the time of the meteor shower?"

So I started my long story…

* * *

><p>"…so that's basically it… now I have no place to go… if you could just point me some direction I would be very grateful."<p>

"Oh, I know the perfect place."

"You do? That's great, where?"

"My place."

"What?" she caught my by surprise. Did she just offer me her aparement? I was a complete stranger to her!

"I mean… with Lana Lang gone from Isis for good and losing her as my roommate… I have a free place to spare if you're up to."

"That would be fantastic! Thank you... but... you don't even know me..."

"I have a pretty good eye for measuring people up," she smiled warmily. "If you want you can even work here."

"I don't have any experience… It's kind of a psycho therapy, isn't it?"

"I don't have any experience either but I'm doing pretty well, don't you think?" she gave me a wink.

"You're doing great." For the first time I really smiled to her in response.

"You see. So? What are you saying?"

"Deal!"

The door opened and I saw some young, tall, handsome and very muscular man.

After a while when nothing happened I got confused. I didn't see anything. Nothing. Blank.

I must had been staring at him because he asked.

"Are you OK? Do I have something on my face?"

"No… I… I just can't see anything," I sad puzzled.

"I don't understand," he admitted. He probably thought I was crazy.

"Jessica, meet my friend I was talking about earlier… Clark Kent… Clark, this is Jessica Hamby, she can see people's past just by looking at them." Chloe introduced us.

"What do you mean?" Clark asked.

I was really getting tired of explaining that over and over again.

"Yeah, but I can't see your past," I told him when he shook my hand. "Why is that?"

"I would say it's the part of the secret you don't need to know," Chloe gave me a wink again.

"OK," I raised my hands, "you've got the right person here… I can understand that, people have secrets. I won't pry."

"I already like her," Clark told Chloe and smiled.


	3. Chapter 3 MOVED

I remembered that I'd liked that small city from the very first sight, even though the meteor shower had occurred… what I didn't know was that the inhabitants also were so warm and good. They suited the town perfectly.

I met Clark's mother who kindly invited me for a dinner, Chloe's cousin - Lois and Chloe's boyfriend - Jimmy, I also met Lana who was living with Clark now, trying to put her life back together…

It looked like I started settling down.

* * *

><p><em>Few Weeks Later…<em>

I decided to stay in Smallville for good. That was what I wanted. My uncle wasn't far away so I didn't exactly escape from him but I didn't think he would expect to find me here either. This was the place when my parents had died after all...

There weren't many people here so I was at peace with my ability…

* * *

><p>One day Chloe burst into Isis with excitement painted on her face.<p>

"You'll never guess what I've just found out!" she yelled.

"What?" I asked.

"There's this doctor Knox and he can take people's abilities away!"

"Really?" I didn't want to get too excited but… it would be the best news I'd heard from months! I didn't want to leave this town but I still wanted to get rid of my ability. I wanted to be normal. More than anything.

"Can I go to him?" I asked trying not to sound too hopeful.

"I'll try it first," she told me.

"You really want to get rid of this? You're able to heal!"

"I want to be normal… I want it for… Jimmy," she quietly confessed looking down on the floor and bitting her lower lip.

"Jimmy?" I winced. "Why? He loves you just the way you are."

"I just… need to do this, Jessica… beside… how can I be sure that I'll come back to life the next time I'll use my powers? I can't!"

"It's your decision… Is there any risk involved?"

"Yes, memory lost," she just answered like it was nothing important.

"Memory lost?" I repeated slightly raising my voice. "You can't go through with this! Not like that!"

"Jess, I have to!"

"Why? I can't understand you! Do you not want to remember who you are?" but she was already gone, deaf for my arguments.

* * *

><p>My premonition came true.<p>

Doctor Knox wasn't reliable after all. He turned out to be a psycho and wanted to use Chloe's body and ability to give his dying wife a new life.

There was no cure after all, such a shame. I would like to be able to have a normal existence… still... not for the price of memory lost. Maybe I would never get that chance? Maybe Chloe had been right during our first conversation? Maybe I just needed to accept myself for who I really was?

What had almost happened to her made me think and then… Jimmy accepted Chloe when she finally told him the truth, but would my future man do the same? What if I would never be able to have a normal relationship? Would somebody ever be able to love me? Maybe I was unlovable? I would know the darkest secrets of my boyfriend in the very moment I would see him… Would I be able to live with that later if I didn't told him the truth in the first place? Would he if I did?

_Soon… there would be time to find out. Sooner than I thought and in a way I would've never expected…_

* * *

><p>People with abilities started to disappear in Smallville.<p>

Clark found out that it had something to do with the mysterious 33.1 project of the LuthorCorp but unfortunately he had no prove so we were walking blind.

* * *

><p>"<em>There was a break in my system!" Chloe said pretty concerned. "Clark… I'm afraid… Oh my God!"<em>

_"What happened?"_

_"Every single meteor freak that went missing… Clark! They've took this information from my system! I was supposed to help them and now I'm the one who betrayed them!"_

_"Chloe… calm down… you can't blame yourself… and you can't blame Lionel either… he's dead… it must be Lex!"_

_"You know that Lana checked him up and found nothing! He's not connected to 33.1. This time he's clean."_

_"Who else if not him? It must be the LuthorCorp! There is no one else!... Let's calm down… tell me who's the next listed person in your system."_

_Chloe swallowed hard.  
><em>

_"What?" Clark asked getting closer and there it was. Black on white – Jessica Hamby._

* * *

><p>I was coming back home from shopping when it happened.<p>

It was already dark outside but I wasn't scared of anything. Chloe's apartment was just around the corner…

I heard some car slowing down behind me and then somebody quickly got out of it.

I turned round seeing three guys in balaclavas, heading toward me. I turned again to run away screaming when I felt some wet cloth on my mouth and my nose.

I fell down on the ground, unconscious...

* * *

><p>I felt my whole body aching. Why? What happened? Where was I?<p>

Then it came to me and I started panicking.

Those men. They kidnapped me.

I opened my eyes noticing that I was in some strange room which reminded me of a cell in a prison or… it actually was a real cell but not in a prison, it was the famous project 33.1.

Yes, the numbers were written on the door.

What would happen to me? What would they do to me?

* * *

><p><em>I walked inside my secret hatch that was placed underground.<em>

_The 33.1 project. Yes, I was the one who had started it. I was the one who ordered to capture people with abilities – or should I say the meteor freaks?_

_I was always the one. My father – when he'd still been alive – had no idea and neither had Clark. I'd even managed to fool Lana again, she thought she'd checked me up, but she'd failed._

_Fools._

_I was the perfect liar._

_I walked inside the corridor. A lot of hands were reaching for me from behind the bars but not a single one could touch me. I was safe. I was the one who had the advantage. I was the god here. I probably had this written all over my face._

_Power. Nothing else mattered but the sweet power._

_Such a shame that you couldn't make somebody love you by using your influences and money. Well… one minus but so many pluses!_

_I opened another door and walked inside the cell to see the one who had been captured last night._

_They didn't tell me it was a woman but what kind of a difference did it make?_

_She was young, tall, red-haired. Obviously scared what was written all over her face. She was also confused and terrified and then… then she looked into my eye with obvious reproach. I was stunned. I felt… different. She made me feel different. She mattered._

_I got a closer look at her and she recoiled so I budged away from her. Why did her eyes change in a split of a second? She hated me._

_In one second I was just a normal person who walked inside and then the next I was the subject of pure hate and disgust. Was it too much for her to look in the eye of the man who had captured her?_

_Normally I wouldn't care if she hated me or not but this time was strangely different. I wanted her to accept me, I desired to see joy in her eyes, joy caused by me. I wanted to make her happy. What was wrong with me? I wanted to examine her, have experiments on her but I had enough meteor freaks, I was the boss so I could just release her. She wouldn't like me anyway, would she?_

_Why was she so disgust by me?_

_Maybe that was the thing that was intriguing me making me interested in her?  
><em>

_I made a step forward…_


	4. Chapter 4 TERRIFIED

The door opened showing a tall, bald and – I had to admit that – very handsome man walked inside.

He looked a little surprised when he saw me. Was he expecting somebody else?

I recognized Lex Luthor. So he'd managed to deceive everybody anyway. He was the one who was standing behind the 33.1 project.

And then… I had to prepare myself for the worst. For his dark past that would appear in my head. I would probably see something that Lana and Clark would like to know so badly…

I looked into Lex's eyes. They were like blue-gray steel, very nice actually but such a pity that they were so cold… Did I imagine it? I had the impression that they softened a little when he looked at me.

All those thoughts quickly passed through my mind in a second before his memories struck me.

Lex Luthor hitting his own father in the face, pointing a gun at him. There was so much hate in his eyes and he looked crazed.

Lex Luthor shooting somebody…

Lex Luthor getting Lana Lang into a false pregnancy just to force her to marry him. Lex Luthor comforting Lana... Lex Luthor slapping Lana in the face…

Lex Luthor cloning his own brother Julian and ordering to kill him later.

Lex Luthor pushing his own father through the window…

Clark had mentioned something about that but no one could prove that Lex had actually killed Lionel Luthor and I wasn't a reliable material to the police force either. What would I say in the court? _"I can see people's past just by looking at them?"_ The next thing I would probably find myself in a room without a door handle.

I kind of woke up getting even more terrified of that man, terrified of what he was capable of. He was a monster. I'd never met anybody so bad and so lost in the darkness. Was he already so deep down there that there was no chance for salvation?

I had the feeling that when Lana had left him and he'd found out that she'd been lying to him… that she'd never really loved him… she'd never really wanted to marry him… it all'd made him the way he was now and the worst part was that what I'd seen and felt made me think – not – made me sure of the fact the Lex hadn't loved her either. He'd just wanted her because Clark had wanted her…

I couldn't believe that I just did it but I looked at him and focused. He'd had a near death experience and his dead mother had showed him his possible future with Lana. And children.

That must had been the reason.

* * *

><p><em>Why was she looking at me like that?<em>

_Why the revulsion was so obvious now but it hadn't been there the moment I'd walked inside?_

_"Who are you? What's your name? What kind of abilities do you have?" I finally spoke asking her those questions._

* * *

><p>He spoke to me and it was strange because his voice softened the moment he started speaking.<p>

I didn't answer.

He sighed and got closer.

* * *

><p><em>She looked so delicate, so vulnerable. Maybe I was making a mistake but I knew I wouldn't be able to hurt her in any way possible. I wouldn't tell anybody to have experiments on her. Not in million years. I didn't even care if her ability was important or trivial. I didn't care how it all would turn out.<em>

_"It's OK," I found myself whispering. Whispering? What was it about this woman that made me act so… well, gentle._

_She was just like a delicate flower to me._

* * *

><p>"It's OK," he whispered.<p>

That was strange…

He came even more closer and squatted by me.

I moved back.

"I won't hurt you."

It was so weird! I saw no steel eyes anymore, no hardness, no firmness, neither in his voice.

Maybe he had a gift to speak like that? I couldn't trust or believe him.

"No, I don't buy it," I finally spoke a little huskily. "Don't pretend you don't hurt all of these people up here."

"I won't hurt you," he reassured me.

His expression was strangely sad and he looked down.

"I saw it," I said. "You tell them to hurt people like me. You broke into Chloe Sullivan's system."

"You saw it?" he got interested.

I avoided his eyes but the damage was already done. Shit.

"Yes, I did. I see people's past. Now you probably want to use me for spying on your enemies, don't you? Well… it's not gonna happen. You may as well kill me because I won't help you. Ever."

* * *

><p><em>She could see people's past? Damn, it was good! But… she wouldn't help me with my personal issues and I was sure that she was telling the truth. She looked brave enough to die rather than work for me. I saw it in her eyes.<em>

_Then I realized the obvious. She must saw my past as well. That was the reason she was so terrified and disgusted.  
><em>

_"What did you see when you looked at me?" I asked._

_There was no way I would avoid her knowing my past. Every nasty thing I'd ever done... but how I'd supposed to know that I would be interested in a woman like that? In a woman to whom I just couldn't lie.  
><em>

_I just needed to save her. I couldn't let her die down here._

* * *

><p>Pain appeared in his eyes and it was so weird.<p>

"Does it matter?" I asked. "Does it matter what I've seen? Whatever I've seen it's enough."

"No, I don't think so." He stood up. "You'll be released." He walked toward the door but turned to look at me again. "I won't hurt you, you should know by now that I'm telling you the truth."

"I can only see the past," I answered and he left.

What was I suppose to think? I couldn't believe him but why did I want to? It was obvious, I would hold on to every single promise of freedom. It was the only thing that kept me going, kept my common sense.

If I managed to be free I would have to stay away from Lex Luthor. Far away.

* * *

><p><em>What should I do?<em>

_I checked her up. She was Jessica Hamby. She'd came to Chloe Sullivan for help and Sullivan had hired her._

_What could I do? Let her go free?_

_No, there was no way. She would tell Clark everything she'd found out about me and I had no idea what she'd actually seen. I had to assume the worst, then. Murders, especially the murder on my own father. _

_So if I didn't want her to be hurt I had to take her somewhere safe but in the same time keep her away from her new friends.  
><em>


	5. Chapter 5 HEART

_I came back to the mansion to prepare everything when Clark burst through the door._

_"May I remind you, Clark, that you're no longer welcome here without an invitation," I said remaining calm. This time I had the perfect control, the perfect poker face. With Jessica it was strangely different. I didn't understand why she was the only one who could see all the emotions on my face._

_"Where is she?" Clark yelled._

_"Where is who? I thought you're finally able to keep Lana by your side."_

_He looked like he wanted to hit me._

_"Where is Jessica?" he restrained himself and asked. "Don't play innocent on me! With your father dead you are the only one who can possibly stand behind the 33.1 project!"_

_"I have no idea what you're talking about," I said casually and sighed.  
><em>

_"OK, I'll check myself!" he growled and run to my private rooms._

_"Clark!" I didn't call security right away. I wanted him to see on his own eyes that Jessica wasn't here… yet. Then I called the guards._

_"But if not you then who? Who's standing behind all of this?" he asked before he left._

_"I wish I had the answer to that question, Clark," I said idly. "I would like to meet that famous man myself but… right now I have too many things on my head. I have a company to run."_

_"Because you killed your own father," Clark accused me again.  
><em>

_"I didn't."_

_"I know you did, I just can't prove it."_

_"Get out." My patience was over_

_"If something happens to her…"_

_"Are you even listening to me?" I asked. "For the hundredth time, I don't know any Jessica!"_

_The security took Clark outside._

Such a fool of me!_ I thought because I realized something – Jessica would see this very moment when she would look at me the next time. She would know that Clark was here looking for her, she would know what I did. Great! Just perfect!_

"_Mr Luthor?" my security guard walked in. "They brought miss Hamby here. Where shall we put her?"_

_"Give her everything she wants, everything to make her feel comfortable but she cannot leave her room. Understood?"_

_"Yes, sir."_

* * *

><p>"<em>It is done, sir." The guard came back later to notify me.<br>_

_"Perfect, thank you." I stood up and went to see her with slight hesitation.  
><em>

_What that girl was doing to me? I was losing my confidence around her._

* * *

><p>Surprisingly, Lex Luthor was a man of his word. At least in what he'd promised. I hadn't had much time to see more of his past and I hadn't actually wanted to. It wouldn't be a good idea. He was terrifying enough with all the information I'd already had.<p>

He was a killer for a God's sake! He hit a woman!

They took me out of the 33.1 and got me into the car. Where were we going? And then – soon – I found out, the Luthor's mansion. The one place in the world I wanted to stay away from. What could I do now? There was no place to run and even if I tried they would probably shoot me. If Lex really didn't want to hurt me there was no need for dying.

To my astonishment they located me in a great room. I felt almost like I was in a hotel apartment. My own bed, a big one and very comfortable. My own bathroom and a wardrobe full of clothes. The expensive ones.

If only the guards weren't standing behind my door all the time. I couldn't get out through the window either, it opened only to a certain point and I couldn't even fit my hand in there, breaking was out of the question too, it would probably trigger some alarm.

Somebody knocked on the door.

I turned round in one quick motion. The person standing on the other side of the wooden door didn't just come in. They waited for the invitation.

"Jessica?" I heard Lex's voice. "May I come in, please?"

"You'll come in no matter what I say, won't you?"

"No, I will respect your wish and your privacy but I would really like to see you. I can help you. I know you see me as a… terrible person but take into your consideration the fact that I'm willing to expose myself to you just to be able to see you again."

And he thought that line would make me let him in?

But well… I needed to know what was it that he wanted from me.

"Come in," I finally agreed and the door opened.

Lex walked inside and closed it behind him. Then he looked at me.

"You're a monster! Do you realize that?" I burst.

His expression changed. Did I just hurt him?

Those were only words and what he'd actually done to all of those people who'd suffered because of him… no one could describe it.

I focused… lies… lies… more lies...

He'd been always hiding something from his so-called friend Clark and everybody else and he'd never been fully honest with anybody.

Well… he was right now, with me.

He'd hurt a lot of women and once, one of them had even wanted to kill him in revenge.

"You're treating women really badly…" I said.

"You just saw it."

"Oh, yeah."

"I won't treat you like that, I promise."

"Really? You can't prove it."

"Well, I can't. We'll have to wait and see, won't we? Just... understand that every single one of them... wanted to use me, no one of them really loved me." And that was all he wanted deep deep inside, he just wanted to be loved, but how could he be loved when he was such a bad person? So immersed into darkness...

"I want to be alone," I told him. "I just wanted to find out what you want with me and I wanted to tell you in person what I think about you."

"I understand, I deserve it," he admitted turning around but then he turned again to look at me one more time. "Jessica… I'm not such a monster you think I am."

"Oh, I don't know about that."

"Can you trust me? Some day? Ever?"

"I don't think so," I said honestly. "You won't let me out of here, will you?"

"No, at least not now when everything's so fresh."

"What is?"

"33.1."

"I would like you to shut it down."

"You've got it," he suddenly agreed.

"What? Just like that?" I raised my eyebrows in huge surprise. Maybe I misheard him?

"For you. Is there anything else you would like?"

"I would like not to have this ability of mine but I guess it's out of the question."

"We'll see…"

"Why are you doing it?" I asked when he finally made his way to the door and put his hand on the doorknob. I didn't get him. Really. What was he playing? Why me? Why was he so… different around me than in the memories I'd seen?

"Because I like you. Because I care. Because when I saw you in this cell my heart moved," he left the room.

His heart? What the hell was he talking about? And how on earth such words even came out of his mouth?

His heart? That meant… he liked me in this particular way… but even if… so what? Maybe he was so desperate for some warm feelings from somebody that he didn't have any strength left to lie to me? Or he didn't see any point in lying when he must obviously know that he chose the worst woman possible?

Anyway, I couldn't trust Lex Luthor and what more I couldn't let myself for any kind of warm feelings toward him.

I knew I would end up like Lana Lang. It didn't matter if he wanted to change, deception was in his nature.

So why did I notice the beautiful color of his eyes and his build which was just perfect? He was tall and… I really didn't want to think about it but it meant that he could have a really big… _oh my God, Jess! Stop! Don't even go there! Don't you dare noticing that or anything else for that matter! Don't even think that his baldness could be sexy! Don't even think that you could mend him or help him. _

Actually what exactly had happened to him that had made him bald?

The next time I would see him… _no! You wouldn't!_

* * *

><p><em>I walked out of her room feeling a little dizzy… this girl made a huge impression on me and I didn't even know why. What was it with her that made her special? Different than the others? Exactly, nothing, but for me – everything.<em>

_I'd never felt like that before. Why? I'd wanted Lana to get my own back at Clark? I wasn't sure…_

_My whole body altogether with my mind felt the attraction to the worst woman I could've possibly chosen. The worst because there was no way she would ever feel the same. She knew everything about me. _Everything.

_I went to my bedroom and sat down on my bed hiding my face in my hands while sighnig heavily.  
><em>

_No one would ever love me. I didn't deserve it, I knew it and I couldn't change in the same time because... what else would there be left?  
><em>

_"What is it take?" I asked at loud. "Am I broken so much that you won't even be able to feel some fondness toward me, Jessica?... Shit!" I winced my face._

_I wrinkled my eyes like I was just about to cry and went to the bathroom to take a shower._

_Then I wanted to go to sleep because I didn't feel like doing anything else today. I was too exhausted.  
><em>

_When I laid down nothing changed. Jessica was all I was able to think about._

_Damn it! She was just stuck in my head!_

_"_I would like not to have this ability of mine…"

_I got out of the bed…_


	6. Chapter 6 CONFUSED

A very insisting knocking on my door woke me up early in the morning.

I got out of bed reluctantly and put a night robe on while yawning. I opened the door.

I saw Lex. He looked pretty awful like he hadn't been sleeping all night. Red bruises were under his eyes but there was excitement on his face.

I was very tired and that meant that I couldn't control my ability properly so some memories just kept slipping into my head.

Before he even managed to say something and explain himself why the heck he wake me up so early, I saw it.

It hadn't happened for real but it was a prophecy that had been foretold about Lex. He would be the president of the United States and he would start a global war.

I saw him in my mind, standing in the middle of the field covered with dead bodies while a bloody rain was pouring down on his white suit and he was wearing one black glove on his right hand.

"Jessica?" he hesitated seeing the look on my face.

I moved back and stumbled. I got to my bed and sat down.

"What happened?" he got really concerned.

"I saw… I just saw… what the hell was that?" I looked at him even more shocked than ever before. "You'll be the president of the United States and you'll start the greatest war in the history! Lex, you cannot do this!"

"It hasn't happened yet," he simply answered. "I won't let that happen. I know what I'm capable of, don't I?"

"It's a tricky thing with prophecies. Sometimes the fate works in a way you would've never expected. Who knows, maybe you can't escape it?"

"Don't you want to know why I woke you up at six in the morning?" he asked getting closer.

I must be pale.

He got even more closer when I didn't say anything and he squatted by me taking my hand so I immediately recoiled.

"Don't touch me!"

"OK," he raised his hands in surrender looking at me with those sad eyes.

"I came to you so early because I think I will be able to help you out."

"Help me? How? Are you letting me go?" I snorted.

"No… but I may be able to take your ability away."

"Well… probably only when I let you run 33.1 again. Is that why you're telling me all of this? So I would let you still have it? My answer is no!"

"I won't have the 33.1 project running anymore. I've already promised you that."

"Why do you care so much if you know I would never even like you?" I asked being dead honest with him.

"I care about you and I just can't stay away. I'm not expecting you to like me or to feel something toward me. I know I don't deserve it but I want to help you, I want to make you happy."

I was confused.

How could I not even feel a little fondness toward him after that? Maybe a little gratitude?

Or maybe that had been his plan from the very beginning. Maybe he didn't really mean it at all. Maybe he was telling and doing all of this just to simply get to my pants. But… why so much trouble?

I didn't like him so maybe that was the reason he was attracted to me? You always wanted what you couldn't have...

"I think you should go," I said quietly and looked away.

He sighed and stood up. He was gone within a second.

* * *

><p>At 10 AM a security guard knocked on my door telling me that I could come out for breakfast if I wanted.<p>

I said nothing so after ten minutes some unknown person opened the door and brought me food on the tray.

At the very sight of it I realized how hungry I was so I ate it all right away. There was no point in starving myself.

I was bored. There was no TV in this bedroom… just nothing I could do.

I bit my lip and I finally decided to get out. If I could.

To my surprise the door was unlocked and there was no guard. I almost stepped on the flowers laying on the floor. I picked it up and smelt them. I realized that Lex must had left them there and I recoiled. No, he wouldn't buy me! I threw the flowers to my room on the floor and looked around closing the door behind me. I noticed some blinking little light on the ceiling. Probably a video camera. I was being watched anyway.

I walked through the corridor looking around. It was a very long and narrow hall with stained-glass windows.

Finally I got to the guard standing by some big two-winged door.

"Ms Hamby," he said while opening the door for me.

I hesitated but then I walked inside.

I found myself in a big room – probably a living room altogether with a study.

There was a wooden desk by the window with a laptop on it. The leather chair behind it was turned back on me.

When the door closed the chair turned and I saw Lex sitting in it.

"Hello, Jessica." He smiled to me and pointed the chair in front of him.

I didn't know what to do.

"Come on, I don't bite, beside… you're already here, aren't you?"

He had a point after all.

I could either hide in my room forever and bore myself to death or just go with it and see where it would take me.

The second option was much more appealing although it meant spending some time in Lex's company.

I sat down and looked at him, waiting.

"So, how are you?" he asked leaning toward me and entwining his hands.

"How am I supposed to be?" I retorted. "I'm a prisoner."

"No, you're not. I didn't lock you up and I'd actually saved you back in the 33.1."

"Yeah, because you liked me. Others weren't so lucky, especially men," I snorted and he laughed.

"You're funny."

"I don't think it's funny."

He stopped smiling.

"What do you expect from me?" I asked. "What exactly?"

"Nothing," he simply answered. "Absolutely nothing."

"I don't buy it."

"Well… see by yourself. I know that you can't feel what others felt in the past when you're looking at their memories but you can see, right? You've already seen the worst, now it's time you'll see some good."

"What exactly? Why are you so determined to make me accept you?"

"I thought I told you, I thought that was obvious," he sighed closing his eyes and rubbing them. "I care. There's something about you, the way you're making me feel."

I looked up at him.

"Do you honestly think it'll work on me? Really?" but there was something in his eyes that made me look again.

I focused.

I saw the expression on his face when he'd seen me for the first time. I remembered that something had changed in his face back then but I'd been too scared, too terrified, too shocked by what I'd seen to realize it completely.

He'd been just about to walk inside the cell. He'd been the one who'd had the power, he'd been the one who'd been playing god there, he'd had it all painted on his face. Then he'd walked inside and… like a switch… everything had changed. He'd seen a vulnerable woman, delicate and frozen with fear. It hadn't mattered what kind of abilities I'd had. He just couldn't had hurt me.

I woke up.

I looked at him puzzled and shocked while he was studying my face like he wanted to read what just happened from it.

I shook my head.

I'd seen dr Bryce – his another ex wife. He'd cared about her, he'd even showed her his darkest secret… he'd showed her everything and she'd still betrayed him. She'd tried to kill him to get his money and the social status. That had been the moment that something had changed in him once and for all.

And then Clark. His best friend. Lex had been always taking care of him, helping him as much as he could and Clark hadn't been able to trust him enough to tell him his secret… than Lex had started investigating Clark and lying to him too…

So they'd both made mistakes.

What scared me was the fact that Lex hadn't been always so bad, he'd been made this way.

I looked at him again.

"Well, well… is that… pity? Or maybe compassion?" he asked still studying my face.

I moved uncomfortably in the chair.

"I don't know." I got up and walked out of there as fast as I could.

I couldn't stay with him any longer.


	7. Chapter 7 CLOSE

I couldn't let myself for any warm feelings toward him. Period!

But it was starting to scare me how I felt around him. There was something there, some tension and I wasn't sure what else.

That night I had a nightmare… I was dreaming but it was like I was reliving the first time I'd seen him in the cell.

I saw how many horrible things he'd done. He'd killed his own father for a God's sake! He'd done it with no remorse. He'd been so bad. He'd already crossed the line and there was no coming back from the place where he was now. He'd killed a man on his own wedding day!

There was also the prophecy. It would happen eventually if no one would stop him. Lex was on the right path to destroy the whole world. His thirst for power was too overwhelming.

I needed to do something to stop him.

* * *

><p>The next day I walked out of my room without any encouragement.<p>

I got into the living room. Surprisingly, he wasn't there. No one was there for that matter, not even any guards.

I guessed there was no one watching me right now. I knew I couldn't get out of the building but I could snoop around a little bit.

I opened the drawer in his desk and saw… wow, bingo! I closed the drawer when the door opened.

I turned round startled and saw Lex. He was wearing a suit and a coat so I could say he'd just come back from work.

"Jessica…" his face turned into a happy one when he saw me. "Nice to see you."

And… well… I looked in his eyes losing countenance, OK, I needed to look for another reason why I should kill him and remembered what he'd done to Lana. He'd deceived her that she'd been pregnant. How could he'd done it? It'd been so cruel! She'd really thought she'd been about to have a baby! And when she'd thought she'd lost it he'd just cried with her! Over the baby that he'd known had never really existed!

"Jessica? What is it?" he asked taking off his coat and coming closer to me.

I didn't say a word. I just reached out my hand with a gun in it from behind my back and pointed at him.

He was stunned and he stopped.

"Jess…" he raised his hands trying to calm me down. "You don't want to do this, you're not a killer," he said calmly.

"How can you know that? And even if… someone has to end this. Clark couldn't kill you."

I just saw the moment when Lex had become the vessel and wanted to kill Clark…

"Somebody has to…" I said whispering. "You are a monster, Lex, you are. You will destroy the world."

"And why would I do that? I want to live in it so why I would want to destroy it?"

"You'll probably do it by accident and this is the scarriest and saddest part."

"OK."

"OK what?" I asked surprised.

"OK, come on… kill me…" he got closer so his chest was put right against the gun I was holding, exactly where his heart was. "Kill me. Shoot right here, right through the heart, I'll die instantly and you'll be free to go. Free to go to Chloe or Clark. Come on. End this."

I was so shocked! I just couldn't pull the trigger.

Then I made the mistake of looking into his eyes again.

Another memories of his passed before them.

He'd been ten when his father had dragged him to Smallville. That had been the day he'd lost his hair forever. The day of the meteor shower.

The children in school had been laughing at him, hadn't understood why he'd been bald.

His father had hated him his whole life. He'd kept saying to him that he'd had to be strong, powerful. It'd been Lionel who'd destroyed Lex and made him the way he was now. He'd even proceeded with some dangerous electrocuting therapy on Lex… and Lex had finally killed him. He'd just wanted his father to love him...

And it hadn't been only Lex's fault that his friendship with Clark had gotten destroyed, Clark had been guilty too. He'd destroyed Lex and Lana's engagement reception and told everybody that Lana had been pregnant so they'd thought that had been the real reason she'd been marrying Lex…

My hand shivered.

That very moment I already knew I wouldn't kill him.

Not in million years.

There was something about him that made me believe in him.

The electricity and tension between us grew only stronger…

I felt his fingers clenching over my hand and he took the gun from me leaving me in total shock and astonishment.

When he touched me I felt like I got electrocuted.

Could just a one simple touch be so intense? I wondered.

"Poor thing…" I whispered and when I realized what I said to him... it was already too late to take it all back.

His face twitched and I saw tears in his eyes.

"I…" I didn't know what to say. "I…" I cried too. "Oh my god…"

Lex put the gun on his desk and then he just put his arms around me.

Was I just letting Lex Luthor hold me?

It felt so good that I hated myself for that. I wanted to ignore that feeling but I couldn't. The smell of his skin - some strong, intoxicating cologne on him and something else… a man… what a wonderful scent… pheromones?

I realized I fell deep into some hole and I could feel his heart beating so fast right next to mine…

Wow! Whola!

Suddenly I moved back. I needed some air.

I moved even further and got to the sofa sitting down on it and hiding my face in my hands.

"Jessica?" I heard his whisper. "Everything's alright?"

"And you're the one who's asking me this?" I answered with a question. "I just wanted to kill you."

"I'm OK."

I suddenly laughed and then cried again. It must looked grotesque.

"God, what's happening to me?" I asked myself at loud.

"I don't know but I like it."

"God!" I moaned.

"I will make you better," he reassured me. "I will make you normal again if that's what you want. I promise. Stick with me for a while and I will." He made his way to me and sat by my side.

I was still crying and couldn't fight myself anymore.

I was the one who get closer this time and I snuggled myself into his chest while he held me tight letting me cry.

Then in that moment I saw something else. Lex after I'd called him a monster. He'd gotten back to his room, looking like he'd been just about to cry.

_"What is it take?" _he'd asked at loud. "_Am I broken so much that you wouldn't even be able to feel some fondness toward me, Jessica?... Shit!" _

I violently freed myself from his comforting arms.

No, no, no…

So we were both feeling it? No! I wouldn't feel like that in a murderer's arms!

"I…" I stammered looking at him. "I can't." and I ran back to my bedroom.

* * *

><p><em>Well… that didn't go well. <em>

_I sighed and sat more comfortable._

_I'd been holding her in my arms. She'd seemed so delicate but strong in the same time. She would had the guts to pull the trigger but she must had seen something good in me. Maybe she'd said _"poor thing" _because she'd seen my childhood? What else could had made her say that?_

_I would've never even dreamed that I would hold her in my arms. And it happened. Today. And it'd felt wonderful. She was the right girl… would I dare to say that she was the one? Why should I bother with answering that question if she would never let me get any closer? Not even so close like today…_

_I was just sitting there and thinking about the impossible._

_They said that dreams couldn't hurt you… well… they were wrong…_


	8. Chapter 8 TOUCH

I came back to my room but all I wanted to do was to get back to him. Why? What the hell was wrong with me? I couldn't be serious to think about that man this way. Even if there was a reason why he'd been like that… it was already too late because he was already changed!

Or maybe I would change him back?_ Right, _I snorted_, yeah Jess, save the whole world. What's stopping you? Oh yeah… you have no such a power._

But I couldn't stand being in this room all alone, doing nothing!

So I stood up and came back to him.

He was sitting exactly where I'd left him, looking so miserable and alone...

I didn't want to look into his past anymore but it was stronger than me. I was right. He'd been hated by his father and his mother had died so young leaving him with no one that would love him the way he'd wanted to…

I came closer and just put my hand on his shoulder to give him some comfort.

Then I noticed he moved a little and reached out his hand to cover mine with it.

"How can you cure me?" I asked because I just simply didn't know what else to say. "How is it possible?"

"It's complicated but I'll be able to do this very soon. You wouldn't have to hide from people anymore," he said quietly and removed his hand standing up.

He poured himself a glass of whisky.

"Do you want some?" he asked looking back at me.

"No, thanks," I answered.

"We almost have the cure and after that we'll cure every single person in 33.1, erase their memories and let them go free."

"Erase their memories?" I repeated.

"I'm sorry but what else did you expect? That I'll let them all go so they could put me in prison?"

"Hmm… I didn't think," I admitted. What he was saying seemed reasonable. It was the best option indeed.

There was also something else. I didn't want Lex to go to prison, call me crazy but I couldn't stand the thought of it. I just couldn't.

Again - what was wrong with me? Was I falling for a guy like him?

That would be just perfect! I thought ironically.

Was I able to escape from it? I should just try to get out of this mansion and try to forget but how I could give up on the opportunity of being cured?

Then something unexpected happened.

The door burst open and Clark rushed inside.

When he saw me his expression changed drastically. I saw pure rage.

"I knew it!" he screamed poiting his finger at Lex. "You had her the whole time! And you told me that you didn't even know her!"

Lex opened his mouth but before he managed to say a word, I did:

"He was telling you the truth, Clark. I was looking for a person that could cure me. I've heard that there was somebody who could take my ability away and I found Lex."

"Yes, she met me just after you visited me and when I heard her name I associated the facts," Lex confirmed calmy.

"Really? And I'm supposed to believe that?"

"Well… you'll do what you want but why would I come to Lex if not for that?" I asked.

"He could keep you prisoner!" Clark suggested.

"In my mansion? In my living room? Do you see any chains on her?" Lex asked, drunk a sip of whisky and laughed. He was a perfect actor, never lost his cool expression… at least when we weren't alone. "And what did I tell you the last time you appeared here?"

"I don't give a damn! I was looking for Jessica! We were all worried sick! Even my mother!"

"I'm sorry, Clark, I sent you a text message, didn't you get it?... I mean… I sent it to Chloe…" Oh my… was it really me? _Me lying?_

"She didn't get anything!"

"I'm sorry... but I'm fine."

"And you'll stay here?" he bobbed his eyebrows. "You can't be serious! It's Lex Luthor! You saw what he did to Lana!... She left!"

"Really?"

"Really… she left yesterday."

"I'm sorry but I still stand by my decision. I'm staying here." Had I gone mad?

"You're making a huge mistake."

"I'm sorry," I repeated. Yes, I knew I was making it but still... some mistakes just had to be made.

He sighed.

"Clark, do you really want me to call for the security again? How are you doing it anyway? How are you keep getting into my house without being caught?" Lex asked.

"Let's say it's a gift of mine." Clark turned round to walk away.

"Can you explain me, Jessica… why did you lie to him? You could be in your way home by now and he would've probably beaten me to a pulp." The mask was dropped and Lex was human again.

"Well… I figured… there's no point in running from it anymore. Life's too short to deny any…" and I suddenly stopped.

I got too far. There was no turning back. Well, there was actually, but I didn't want to. I was right, life was too short. I should stop analyzing everything and just go with it. I was still surprised by the fact that I'd lied to Clark but… _hell! Stop thinking so hard!_

Was I really going to say it?

"…attraction," I swallowed, avoiding his eyes although I could feel them on me.

There, I said it, let happen whatever was meant to…

He didn't do anything, he was just looking at me and then when I finally dared to look at him too, he smiled.

"Jessica… do you feel like dinner?" he asked completely getting me off track.

"Maybe." I couldn't restrain myself but smile too, couldn't control it anymore. I was tired of controlling my body. I decided to let it do what it wanted to do.

"Let's order some food and talk. What d'you say? You already know everything about me there is to know but I know nothing about you."

"That's not something I would like to talk about…" I sighed. "I would rather forget…" then I realized.

I'd run from my uncle but Lex had done a lot of things that my uncle was doing right now. What an irony!

I was more than sure that my father wouldn't want me to be with Lex… but he was dead anyway so I could do whatever I wanted.

My uncle… he'd been always so good to me… had he deserved for what I'd done to him?

Before I even realized I told Lex everything.

"So… what's a dilemma, I'm spending time with somebody like you…"

He didn't answer for a while.

I had the impression that he was very careful with me. He was very careful for what he was saying to me and doing. He didn't want to scare me off again.

"Hey, calm down, I already know everything, remember?" I asked and suddenly laughed!

God! I must be mad!

* * *

><p><em>Was I dreaming? She stayed. She believed me, she started trusting me, she lied for me!<em>

_Was I too hopeful? I didn't want to get burned and go even deeper into darkness because of it._

_And there we were. One minute we were sitting and talking, trying to get to know each other… she was probably fighting herself really badly when she finally gave up._

_I couldn't stop looking at her. Her hair was sparkling in the sunset, her eyes so brown…_

* * *

><p>I was watching his eyes, his lips… there was an interesting scar on his upper lip what made him even more appealing… his strong hands… flat chest…<p>

"Can I ask you something?" I spoke.

"Yeah, shoot."

"How did you get this scar?" I pointed his lip.

Perfect… now he knew I'd been looking at his lips!

"I was eleven and one of the boys at school… hit me. I bit my lip pretty badly. He was teasing me because of my baldness," he answered honestly.

I was watching him in silence.

"You could see it by yourself, you know… using your ability…" he added.

"I preferred to hear it from you," I answered honestly. "Nothing can replace the pleasure of conversation, of finding out about things the usual way. It's much better, it means that somebody's talking and the other person's listening. That's why I don't want my ability and I appreciate that you're not trying to convince me that I should spy on your enemies or something. It could be your plan from the very beginning… made me feel…"

"It never was." He wrinkled his forehead. "What do you feel exactly?"

I didn't answer, I just touched his scar with my index finger. He opened his mouth and then took my hand away from his lips while placing his other hand on my cheek, getting closer.

I couldn't breathe, my heart was pounding hard, too fast, the electricity running through me and probably also his body was just too much to handle.

And there it was...

Our lips touched. For now only that. He moved away examining my face, looking for an invitation or the other way around.

I felt so much in this one gentle kiss that I was the one who kissed him this time. Stronger… braver…

He pulled my face closer with both his hands and I placed my hands on his neck.

That was new… not to feel any hair but also more sensual, I couldn't explain why I was burning up. I wanted him. My body was craving for his but it was too early for more.

So I moved back.

"Wow…" I whispered. "I didn't expect myself to react that way."

"I didn't either," he smiled stroking my cheek with his finger, "but I'm glad you did."

"I'm not so sure I am," I admitted, "but it's too late to back out anyway."

"Yes, it is."


	9. Chapter 9 DOUBT

_I woke up._

_Jessica was lying on my chest, sleeping. _

_No, nothing had happened last night. It was so new, so perfect, so delicate…_

_I didn't want to rush her, I just wanted to be able to love her for me, not for some revenge on my past friend. _

_Wait… was I already thinking about love? God!_

_I gently stroked her hair and she smiled._

_"Hey, you're not sleeping," I noticed._

* * *

><p>"No, I'm not." I giggled enjoying the moment.<p>

How could I be falling in love with this man?

I didn't want to fight it anymore. I wanted to follow my heart, not my head, so screw everything!

The feeling of his hard but in the same time soft chest under my hands was so good… I could hear him breathing, feel the heat coming from his body and it was wonderful. The smell of his skin… so intoxicating… I didn't even want to move.

"Why didn't you say something?" he asked.

I looked up to see the look on his face.

"Well…" I started. "Are you feeling uncomfortable?"

"No, not at all."

"So, what's the problem?" I smiled broadly.

He smiled to and kissed my head.

"I'm not a child," I whispered reaching up to his lips.

"So, you are sure…" he said just before he kissed me back.

"Yeah, it's too late anyway."

In that moment somebody knocked on the door.

"Mr Luthor?" the security guard asked. "May I?"

Lex sighed.

"Yeah, what is it about?"

I got up unwillingly because obviously I wanted to stay where I was a little bit longer.

There would be more nights like that to come, I thought, more even better nights.

Lex stood up straightening up his shirt and his pants.

"Come in," he said.

"Mr Luthor, Ms Sullivan wants to see you."

"At least we have one person who's willing to announce herself. Let her in… I believe that's for you, Jessica…"

"Yes, I can handle it…"

He smiled to me and kissed me briefly, then he said:

"I'll go to see how far they've gone with that cure." He turned to leave.

Chloe was standing in the door so he passed right by her and looked at her. Although I couldn't see his face I could swear that it was naturally cold again. He was probably his powerful-self back.

"Jess…" Chloe was in deep shock. "What… I don't understand…" she admitted when he was gone and the door closed behind him. "I need to sit down." So she did. She sat on the very same sofa that Lex had been holding me in his arms the day before.

"What the hell are you doing with Lex Luthor? Haven't you heard Lana's story? Clark didn't tell me it was that bad! He only said that Lex could cure you!"

"Chloe… listen… it's different now."

"Yeah, right."

"It is. Don't you forget that I'm still able to see the past."

"So, have you seen what he's done? Can you tell us? What about his intensions toward Clark? What about Lionel's death? What about 33.1?"

"I can't say," I answered looking down on the floor.

"Oh my god, Jess, you love him!" Chloe covered her mouth with her hands.

"I don't," I denied quickly.

"So you're on the best way to fall in love with him… don't you forget that he's a Luthor!"

"I've seen every nasty thing he's done and I've also seen that he was bullied when he was a kid, the other kids were laughing at him because he didn't have hair and his father… he was the one who made him the way he is now and he hated him when all Lex wanted was to be loved!"

"So he had the right to kill him for that? Because of hate?"

"His father put him into the Bellereve! He electrocuted him for a Christ's sake!"

"So, you're saying that Lex did kill him?" Chloe prompted.

"No, I never said that."

"I'm worrying about you. Are you sure that you're doing the right thing?"

"No… I just… I'm following my feelings," I told her. "Life's too short for denying any."

"I think that escaping from feelings toward a Luthor is actually the best thing you can do, but it's your life. I just hope you won't get hurt. Just… keep him in a good shape. Don't let him hurt anybody else." She raised herself up.

"Chloe… I… I don't want this to affect our friendship. Can you… deal with it?"

She sighed looking at me sadly.

"I don't have a choice, Jessica… you better be right about him." She put her hand on my shoulder and then she left.

I felt bad about it. It didn't matter what she'd said, I felt like being with Lex would jeopardize what I had with Chloe and Clark. I didn't want that… what should I do? I was completely puzzled and confused.

There was no way back. I'd gone too far… I knew I couldn't leave now...

* * *

><p><em>I wanted to stay behind the door to my living room and listen to them talking but then I remembered that Jessica would find out anyway so I didn't do that. I just walked away.<em>

_First step to the light? I didn't think I could change myself for her, at least not completely. The thirst for power would always be there…_

* * *

><p>"We've got it!" Lex said coming back.<p>

I spent two lonely days without him but although I was free to go anywhere I wanted – even out of the mansion – I didn't. I waited even though the guards told me that Lex would be back in a day, maybe even two.

All I could do was wait. I couldn't face Chloe or Clark right now and I couldn't meet Lana because she was gone, I didn't even think she would like to see me after everything I'd done.

"We've got what exactly?" I asked Lex a little sulkily.

He looked at me and smiled.

"You're gone for two days and you won't even say hallo?" I tried to be mad at him but I couldn't. I was too happy to finally see him so pretty quickly my expression changed.

"I missed you too." He got to me quickly and I found myself thrust into his arms.

He crashed his lips against mine demanding a kiss.

It was wild and passionate. He wasn't gentle and unsure of it anymore. Now he was confident of the fact that I wanted it too.

"So…" I took a deep breath because he'd taken it away a minute before.

"I have a cure for you," he told me smiling and caressing my face with his hands.

"Really? Is it working?" I asked pretty excited.

"I let free every single person I kept in 33.1 without any abilities or memories so… it looks like it's working."

"Fantastic! Where can you do that to me? I mean… take my ability away, not my memory." I got enthusiastic.

"Just answer one question."

"Shoot," I encouraged him.

"Will you leave me after that?"

"What?"

"Please, just be honest with me. I can deal with it. If you don't feel the same… if you just did it because you wanted to be cured… tell me."


	10. Chapter 10 FEELINGS

I was watching his face closely, stunned. Did he really think I could deceive him like that? Lied to him that I had feelings for him just to be cured?

"How can you even think like that? Do you really think I could lie to you like that? You would know if I lied, I know you can tell if people are lying to you or not."

He laughed.

"You know me well." He took my hands in his. "Forgive me… but… I was deceived by every single woman I was dating so…"

"There's no deception in my actions," I reassured him.

"Ok." He smiled and kissed me again. "Thank God, because you make me feel like I've never felt with anybody… ever before… Are you ready now?"

"Yes, I am."

"Let's go, then."

He led me outside to a helicopter that was waiting for us.

I realized that was the first time I'd actually gotten out… It felt weird… It was only a couple of days and my life had already changed so drastically. I could only hope it'd changed for the better.

When we took off I looked at him and searched for his hand.

"Everything will be alright," he said.

"I know…"

"I realize what you're thinking now. You're thinking that… I'll be back to my usual business when you won't be able to see my past anymore. Is it true?"

"I think I will be able to trust you. You're not the only one who can see the truth and lies on people's faces. I can tell when you're lying to me."

"Really?"

"Yes. I've seen your past, I've seen your poker face and I've seen you lying to Clark. It's the way your eyes look like."

"We'll have to be honest with each other then… won't we?" he winked at me.

"So right now… what are you up to?"

"I'm looking closer into my father's secrets. He was a member of a secret organization called Veritas. I believe that they were expecting some Visitor from the sky."

"You mean… like an alien?"

"Yes."

"And that is… true?" I almost laughed.

"Whatever or whoever it was that fell down on Earth… it fell altogether with the meteors. People got abilities… why shouldn't there be any Traveler?"

"It does sound convincing when you put it like this…" I almost shivered. An alien? Among humans? Had I and Lex been close to him that day the meteors had fallen? The day I'd gotten my ability and he'd lost his hair forever?

"But… you are the priority right now, so you come first." He gently stroked my cheek and I smiled.

We landed in the same place I'd been in before. The 33.1.

"You are the last one and then… I'm leveling this place to the ground," he told me offering me his hand when I was getting out of the helicopter.

"I'm taking your word for that."

"Are you able to trust me completely?"

"I think I am…" I said truly.

"I trust you," he said looking into my eyes.

"I know…"

He led me inside and I was shocked how much this place had changed since the last time I'd seen it. There was no cells anymore. Just a laboratory.

"Welcome back, Mr Luthor," some scientist said. "Welcome ms…"

"…Hamby," I finished trying to ignore the doctor's memories that just appeared in my head.

"Please, remove your clothes and come back over here. You can only leave your underwear on or put a swimming suit on."

"Ok…" I hesitated.

"I can wait outside if you want me to," Lex suggested seeing the look on my face.

"It's OK," I said. It wasn't like we would never see each other naked, right?

So I did what the doctor had asked me for.

They told me to lay down on some strange metal cot and then they connected me to some machine.

I felt the construction I was laying on going down…

I looked around quite scared. Where the hell was Lex?

"I'm here." He finally appeared. "I'll be by your side the whole time if you want me to."

"Thank you."

So he stayed there as he'd promised.

"Don't worry, they"ll take you underwater mixed with green meteor rocks but they'll take you out of there before you'll even notice the lack of air. I'm here, if you feel bad or something... just squeeze my hand…" he put his hand into the green water I was being dragged into and held mine.

I didn't close my eyes when I found myself completely sank… I was looking into his eyes.

He was calm so I also calmed myself down. There was nothing to be afraid of. He'd done it dozens of times on others.

The procedure was quick as he'd said it would be.

The water got a little bit hotter, babbles appeared and it all suddenly stopped as fast as it'd started.

I was back on the surface taking a deep breath while still holding Lex's hand.

"Is… that it?" I asked confused. I didn't know what to expect now.

"Yes. It's over. Can you see anything?" he asked with obvious and deep care in his eyes.

I closed mine, opened them again and then I looked back into his, concentrating hard.

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

I was cured.

"Oh my God, Lex!" I squeezed his hand, got out of this strange construction and thrust myself into his arms without even caring that I was wet.

He put his arms tightly around me letting me snuggle into his chest.

"I'm so glad, my precious," he whispered kissing my ear.

"I'm sorry…" I moved back. "I got you all wet… this suit must has been so expensive…"

"Don't worry about that, I don't care about the suit, the most important thing right now is your well being."

"I…" God! Was I completely crazy? I was going to say 'I love you'! I _was_ crazed. It was too early. How could I love him? How could I'd fallen in love with somebody like him? It didn't make any sense but it was happening! Impossible…

Suddenly, I started crying.

"Hey, why are you crying?" he asked and rubbed the tear from my cheek.

"Because I'm happy," I said and kissed him.

I was kissing him and kissing, inhaling the intoxicating smell of his skin and suddenly found myself brushing his chest with my hands.

"Take me home," I said raspy.

It was certainly better than 'I love you' but his mansion wasn't my home at all!

Or maybe my home was where he was?

What if he'd become my home?

"You got it." He smiled understanding what I meant, still with his lips on mine. "Let's go."

We flew back to the mansion and I let him led me straight to his bedroom.

Why wait any longer? What was the point?

The moment was perfect.

He took me into his arms and brought me to his bed. He was kissing my neck and undressing me and I tried to undo his shirt in the same time. Then, when I finally succeeded I was already half naked. His lips were caressing my body, I moaned and slid my hands through his chest getting rid of his shirt completely, then I dared to reach for the zip of his pants.

"You are just perfect," he whispered into my ear when I took his cock in my hands, then he moved with his lips on mine and clenched my buttocks with his hands in the same time.

A little bit letter he suddenly and unexpectedly thrust his hips toward me finding himself deep inside of me. I felt sharp pain and some strange sensation and groaned but this time not from pleasure.

"Oh my God." He stop moving but he stayed inside and looked into my eyes. "Were you…" his voice trailed off.

"Well… yeah…" I answered.

I was adjusting. The pain was almost gone. I could relax now.

"I'm so sorry… I didn't know…" he felt guilty.

"It's ok… being an outsider equaled no intimate interaction… can you imagine what would I've seen in bed if I'd been out of control over my ability?" I laughed when I thought about it.

"But… it's not how your first time should look like be. I should've been more delicate… gentle… I should've made love to you."

I moved a little and moaned.

"What happened? Did I hurt you?" he asked concerned.

"The opposite… stop talking… it was perfect… I want you. Now. Take me!"

"Well…" he started moving and kissing me.

"Take me…" I whispered losing my breath.

He was more careful and slower but when he saw the ecstasy on my face he forgot about all of this.

"Oh my… LEX! Ah..." It felt so good!

The sensational feeling was bigger and bigger and I felt like I was just about to explode. And we did. Both.

"Lex! LEX!... It was just perfect!" I sighed breathing heavily when he laid by my side and I buried my face in his neck.

"Sorry for the pain," he apologized. "But… you're right! Amazing!"

"There is no pleasure without pain…" I whispered and kissed him. "It was the best night of my life…"

First of many… I thought…

_I would never be able to love anyone but him, not in million years. _

_Even if that relationship meant pain and despair later… it was all worth it…_

_The greatest love stories were always short, weren't they? _

_The best time of my life just started… if only it wasn't so short!_


	11. Chapter 11 SHOT

"Hey, beautiful," Lex said to me the next morning when I opened my eyes.

"Mmmhmm… good morning, Mr Luthor." I yawned stretching myself out.

"Yeah, after what we've done last night you probably need to stretch." He smiled taking his arm from under my head.

"I'm sorry, is it sore?" I asked looking at him. "Your arm," I added and he burst into laugh.

"No, not at all." He put his face closer, supported himself on his elbow and looked me in the eye.

"No nasty memories?"

"Not anymore," I said. "Thanks to you." I brushed his face with my hand. "I think I can even make a better person out of you."

"Well… maybe… I already feel that I would give you everything and do everything for you."

"Good for me." I smiled and gave him a wink.

"So, what now?" he asked. "Do you want to find out who the Traveler is? Or maybe you would like to go and see your friends?"

"I don't know… they're probably pretty mad at me... they don't understand…"

"I'm not surprised. Luthors are evil… look… I'm dead honest with you even when you can't see anything anymore."

"I guess… I think I want to solve this mystery with you," I decided and touched his face again.

"I'm glad... you know... I've never felt that way before…" he confessed after a while and kissed me. "I've been married three times…"

"No need to tell me," I interrupted him quickly.

"You know it already… but the first time… I was under a spell of a meteor infected so it doesn't really count…"

"Ok," I snorted.

"Hey, not even one of them could be compare to you," he reassured me.

It looked like we were in a relationship. Was it a good decision? Time would tell…

I still had to face my friends and that was the priority right now, I didn't want to lose them.

"I have to find the woman who saved my life," Lex told me and sat on the bed.

"A woman?" I winced raising myself up too.

"Hey, don't be jealous. I just want to help her. She saved me, she was flying and…"

"What?" I laughed. "Are you sure you didn't just imagine that? Maybe it was a sweet blonde angel?" I teased him.

"Well… actually, she was... but Jess! You know I have my eyes set only on you!"

"I know. I'm just teasing with you… I was the woman who helped too, you know."

"With you it was different and she... I think she might be the Traveler and if she's not she's a meteor infected for sure so I can help her."

"Ok, I'll go to see Chloe, then. It's a high time."

I went to Isis.

"Chloe?" I hesitated when I walked inside.

She was with Clark by the computers.

"I realize you two may not want to see me right now but… maybe… maybe I'm not even welcome here anymore…" I stammered. I didn't think it would be that hard. I got closer.

"Jessica… it's not like that." Chloe sighed and turned around to look at me. "I'm glad that you came and you're still my friend… I just… we know Lex and… he's not a very good person. It's all his father's fault but…"

"…but Lionel Luthor committed suicide," I said. Yes, I lied. I did it for Lex. I had to tell that one more lie.

"Are you telling us the truth or lying to protect him?" Clark asked entwining his arms on his chest.

"You'll never know… and… newsflash, I don't have my ability anymore."

"Really?" Chloe was shocked. "He cured you? He really did it?"

"Yes, he did. As he promised he would," I reassured her. "What about you? Would you like to try?" I asked her.

"No, I decided that there's no harm until I use it and… I can help the closest people to me, can't I? Just… don't tell anyone else. Especially Lex or… maybe you've told him already." She looked away.

"Chloe! I wouldn't do that! It's not my secret to tell!"

"I hope so."

"Can we focus for a moment?" Clark interrupted. "We have somebody to find."

"Who?" I got interested.

"My cousin, Kara. She's missing."

"She's not, by any chance, a blond angel who can fly?" I asked.

"How...?" Clark looked at me puzzled.

"Lex is looking for somebody who fits that description. He wants to help her because she saved his life."

"Oh my god… it may be the same person!" Chloe exclaimed.

She kept searching and it was getting darker and darker outside. I didn't expect Lex back home so soon so I stayed there in Isis with my friends. I needed them. We'd been apart for too long.

I had the strangest feeling that something wasn't right… did I have a reason to worry about Lex? I kept checking up my phone hoping for some sign from him…

"Jess, what is it?" Clark finally asked when I looked at my phone for the hundredth time.

"Lex… he hasn't called yet… he should… I'm just worried... but it's probably nothing," I added quickly.

"Did you leave him a message?"

"No, but he promised he would call in the evening…" I bit my lower lip.

"I don't want to spoil your mood but maybe he…"

"He didn't use me and dump me afterwards if that is what you're trying to say!" I burst and in this very moment my phone finally rang.

But it wasn't Lex. It was a number I didn't know.

"Yes?" I answered.

"Ms Hamby?"

"Yes?" I had a very bad feeling and my voice got a little squeaky.

"Mr Luthor has been shot... in the head…"

"WHAT?" I staggered but Clark caught me in the right moment so I didn't fall on the floor.

"Yes, but we have his body stabilized… in The LuthorCorp laboratory… if you want to come…"

"Of course I want to!"

"But… Ms Hamby… I'm afraid there's nothing we can do to bring him back. He will die…"

Those words fell on me like a sword cutting my heart in a half.

I hung up.

"Jess… what is it? What happened?"

"Lex… he's been shot in… in the… head…" I sobbed. "There's nothing they can do to bring him back… he will… he will die…" I cried and staggered again. Clark led me to the nearest chair.

"Jess… calm down…" why Clark didn't seem so surprised as Chloe was? It was like he already knew it all, but he couldn't. I looked at Chloe.

"Chloe…" I started taking every possible chance I had.

"Don't look at me like that," she said.

"Chloe… please, I know I'm asking for too much but… please! I'm begging you! Bring him back!"

Chloe looked at Clark, puzzled and touched by my reaction to this news. She was very compasionate but… yes, bringing Lex back was like a moral conflict to her and to Clark.

"What if that was your Jimmy?" I screamed like somebody was killing me. "I can't stay alone!... I have so little people in my life!"


	12. Chapter 12 BACK

"Clark?" Chloe looked at him. "What if he knows where Kara is?"

"Is it worth it?" Clark asked in return.

"Just help him!" some savage exclaim got out of my mouth.

The idea of losing him was unbearable but… hadn't I already lost him? There was nothing that the LuthorCorp could do so it meant… it meant that Lex was dead.

I felt like dying myself, like the life was taken away from me, like it didn't have any sense anymore.

How was it possible that everything had changed so drastically in a couple of days? Hate had become compassion, compassion had become love, love had become… pain.

"Jessica…" Clark looked at me, puzzled. "God, You actually care about him, don't you?"

"What can I do about it?" I asked strangely calm, my voice expresionless. "It's the way I feel." I looked down. "Can you do something? Please?"

"I think so. We need any information about Kara we can find," he sighed finally making his mind.

So we drove over to the LuthorCorp…

I was in so much pain that I couldn't think straight… I knew one thing - I had to fight for Lex, fight to save him… even if it meant losing Chloe and Clark forever.

If I wouldn't be able to touch him again, look into his eye again, fall asleep right by his side, kiss him… make love to him… STOP! I couldn't think like that, not everything was lost yet…

I knew that Lex's life was laying in my hands and I was the only one who could help him now. I could return the favor. I needed to do this for him and for me. For us. To buy us some more time together. To buy some more time for myself to make him a better person.

I needed to do everything in my power to bring him back to life.

We finally arrived.

"Ms Hamby… but… Mr Kent is not welcome here," the guard said when we all got out of the car.

"Do you want Lex to get better? Exactly, just trust me."

We were led to the lowest level of the facility, an underground level.

"I don't like it," Clark said to Chloe. "Do you realize how many things he can do down here?"

"Just… stop," I told him. "God! I want to make it clear… I only let you two in so you could help him."

The guard let us in some dark, gloomy room and turned the lights on…

Lex was lying on some kind of a construction very similar to that one I'd been in when I'd been cured.

"We managed to fix his head but we are not able to bring him back. He's physically dead." We were informed.

I covered my mouth with my hands and got closer looking at his calm, motionless body.

"Lex?" I stammered and almost started crying again. He couldn't hear me… he was dead.

I reached out my hand and brushed his cheek… he was so cold…

"Chloe… please…" I sobbed looking back at her.

"He might've been with my lost cousin when he got shot. Can you do something?" Clark asked the guard.

"Sorry, nothing. There is nothing we can do anymore. You can just say goodbye and then we'll turn the machines off and his brain will be dead."

"Please!" I was probably acting like a crazy person or some lioness that was just about to lose her mate. I needed to fight. "I won't let you two out of this building if you don't help him!" Great, now I was threating them. Where would such a behavior take me?

Chloe made a step forward.

"Chloe…" Clark opposed.

"Come on, Clark! I can't stand her suffering. I said I wouldn't give up on my ability so I would be able to help my friends in need. She is my friend and what kind of a difference does it make that it's her boyfriend who's hurt?"

Boyfriend, how strange it sounded, Lex didn't seem like a boyfriend, he was too… mature for that, I would laugh if it wasn't so tragic.

"Beside…" Chloe continued. "What if Kara's in danger? And Lex was the only person, who we know saw her last?"

"Well…" Clark hesitated again but Chloe already got to Lex, placing her hands on his chest.

Some bright light came out of them and then she would fall on the floor if Clark didn't catch her.

"Chloe?"

Some doctor just got inside.

"What are you doing?" he yelled and got to Chloe. "She's dead…" he said puzzled.

"No, she isn't… just leave her… she'll be ok soon…" Clark told him.

I looked back at Lex and… he moved! He moved his hand and then his head and suddenly he took a deep breath. He trust the oxygen mask away and started looking around terrified until his eyes met mine.

"Jessica…" he whispered in shock.

"Yes!" I exclaimed happily. "You're alive! You're ok!" I yelled throwing my arms around him. He rested his head on my chest.

"We don't have much time…" Clark interrupted. "Do you know where Kara is? She's my cousin."

Lex let me go and looked at him confused.

"Chloe saved your life," I told him.

"Really?... Kara… oh, yes… I found her… she's a waitress and she has some kind of amnesia, she can't remember who she is. There's this guy in the restaurant she's working in, he shot me because I wanted to help her escape… The other one followed me… Lois, he has her too."

"Lois?" Chloe woke up but still looked like a dead person. "Clark!"

"I know… thank you!" they took off.

"Are you feeling OK?" I asked Lex with care in my voice.

"Now, I do." He smiled putting my hand to his cheek. "Thank you, I know that you made her bring me back. Thank you," he repeated.

"I couldn't do anything different. I can't stand being alone without you…" I admitted. Was I too bold? "Now, we're even," I added to ease the tension.

"I'll do my best so you'll never have to be alone like that anymore," he reassured me and got up. "Where's my shirt?" he asked ripping the electrodes off his chest. "Let's go home…"

* * *

><p>When we got to the mansion we went straight to the bedroom. I didn't want to be away from him at this moment, the thought of what could've happened if Chloe hadn't been so gifted… it was too much to even think about it.<p>

I needed him that night as much as he needed me, as much as oxygen… but there was no oxygen in the world which could give us so much ecstasy and pleasure.

We had a wild sex, a dance of desire and passion, the awareness of death or near death experience made people feel more alive, made them feel so much more with their bodies.

And then we made love…


	13. Chapter 13 CUT

"So, what do you know about the Veritas?" I asked Lex the next day when we got up (pretty late though).

"I have this…" Lex showed me a pendant with a swan on it, "…from dr Swann's daughter. There was a key inside and…" he swallowed. "Well… the other one was in the possession of my father and I… I took it just before…"

"… you killed him," I finished. "Go on."

I had to admit that I shivered. I only saw him pushing his father out of the window so he must had taken that locket just before that and he'd probably killed dr Swann's daughter as well… I'd never been more happier that I didn't have my ability anymore… I really didn't want to see it on my own eyes.

"My father's locket was empty but I found the key in Chloe Sullivan's drawer in the Daily Planet."

"Just before you fired her," I said. I remembered that she'd mentioned that but I'd been too busy with other stuff to really listen to her and then she'd come to work with Lana…

"I found a clock in my father's crypt in Zurich bank. Two keys fitted it. Now… I have no idea what to do next…"

"Well… maybe someday you will or maybe you won't, it's not the end of the world," I said rubbing his arm.

"You don't understand. My father took no care of me when I was a child and the reason was… the Veritas. I was raised by a babysitter and even then he got rid of her when he thought she had too much of a good influence on me," he explained bitterly.

"I understand."

"I need to know exactly what was so much more important than his own son."

* * *

><p>Lex became kind of obsessed with finding out the truth. I even got a little scared about him. There was no boundaries for him. He must find out what he wanted so he didn't care about anything else. He wasn't spending much time with me but I could understand that, really, it would all change after he would know.<p>

But one day… I felt it was just too much, his own life was in danger. Again.

I came to the mansion because I was counting for some romantic time, I knew Lex would be back from his trip that evening.

When I got into the living room I found him lying on the floor.

That wasn't even the worst part, it was just the beginning of the horror.

"Lex?" I asked a little frightened. "Lex… why are you… LEX!" I covered my mouth with my hands and then squatted by him.

His shirt was torn and his chest… some strange symbols were just cut in it!

"Lex!" I reached my hand out to him but I didn't know what to do. I wouldn't touch him, it could cause him even more pain. "HELP! HELPPP!" I started screaming. "Lex… Lex listen to me… you're gonna be ok, you will!"

The security finally got inside.

"What… oh my God! Mr Luthor!"

I put my hand to Lex's head.

"It will be alright, I'm here…" I whispered into his ear.

He winced, pain must had been unbearable!

"Who did that?"

"The Veritas. They don't want me to find out the truth," he hissed. "It was that man from the bank in Zurich."

"You can't keep digging into that any longer," I told him.

"That is exactly what they want!" he pointed his chest. "I won't give up now, I won't give them that satisfaction!"

"But…"

"Call 911!" I yelled to the guard because he was standing there like an ass.

"No!" Lex suddenly denied pushing himself up on his elbows. He was trying to get to his feet but I could see on his face that it was just too much, too much pain.

"Lex… stay down!" I shivered. I couldn't watch him suffering like that, I couldn't do anything and it was like I was in pain too. "We have to call somebody, ok?" I stroked his head trying to calm him and myself down. "You need a doctor to look at that and give you some painkillers. You won't hold much longer in this pain."

He sighed but finally agreed.

* * *

><p>"I know where I can find the answer!" Lex said sitting on the bed and wincing from pain almost immediately.<p>

"Lex, you need to stay in hospital in a couple of days…" I told him again. "They'll take care of you, they can fix your skin…"

"I don't care! Not now!" he growled. "Is that what you want? You can't stand the look?"

"What? No! It's not what I said… Lex!"

He put his shirt on and winced again.

I had to admit that he was very brave for enduring so much pain like that but it was too horrible for me to watch.

"You really should…" I started again but he straightened himself up and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Don't… I know you care about me… but just don't say anything more…"

"I can't stand you suffering…" I whispered looking down.

"Hey… hey…" he put his hands on my face lifting it up and forcing me to look at him again. "I will be fine. Really. I just have to go somewhere…"

"Lex!"

"Don't worry, I'll be fine, I'll be home in the evening. Wait for me…" he just turned around making his way to the door.

"But… Lex!"

How could I just let him go like that?

"I'll be fine," he repeated. "Don't worry."

I wasn't convinced.

"Don't you trust me?" he looked into my eyes and I knew I wouldn't manage to stop him. I didn't need any super powers to get to know him. He was stubborn, he had to reach his destination, his aim, he wouldn't just let go off it.

I felt so much for that man but I had to deal with his difficult character.

"I'll wait… just… come back to me." I buttoned his shirt up and helped him put on his coat. "Be careful, remember that you don't have only your life to care for now, you also have mine. I need you."

"I know." He barely smiled and kissed me. "I'll be back soon."


	14. Chapter 14 TRAVELER

He did as he'd promised.

I was so relieved when I finally saw him! He was fine if I didn't count the obvious cut from before.

I was sitting by his desk, I'd waited for hours and I just couldn't do anything, I was too nervous.

"Lex…" I got up immediately. "How it went?" I got to him and hugged him very carefully as not to crash his chest but he felt pain anyway.

"I'm so sorry…" I whispered backing out right away.

"It's fine…" he caressed my cheek with his hand. "It was worth it." He collapsed on the sofa.

"What happened?"

"I didn't find the Traveler," he sighed, "but he was there. I found something in the clock out there… then this man attacked me and I almost killed him… it was totally self-defense…" he added.

I believed him… or I really wanted to.

I could think about that later.

"And… we have to have the mansion searched," he stood up changing the theme.

"What? Why?"

"Because the answer is here. It's always been here. The way to control the Traveler, it's all here."

"Lex… I think that first… you should go to a hospital and…"

"No hospitals!" he growled and picked up the phone.

About a dozens of people appeared in the mansion in the next two hours, searching for something. The trouble was that even Lex himself wasn't sure what that thing actually was…

My phone rang so I got outside to answer it.

"Jessica…" it was Clark.

"Clark? Why are you calling me? Did something happen?"

"No… maybe… listen… what is Lex doing right now?"

"Excuse me?" I was surprised by his strange question. "Why are you asking me this?"

"I need to know… it's important. He's looking for… the Traveler, isn't he?"

"How do you know about the Traveler?" I asked completely baffled.

"Please, just tell me what you know."

"No," I denied. "Who do you think you are?"

"And who do you think Lex is? A killer. If he controls the Traveler…"

"Are you a member of the Veritas?" I suddenly asked and then heard him laughing.

"No, No… I'm really not… The Veritas just tried to kill me." I sensed a hesitation in his voice like he realized he'd told me too much.

"I need you to be honest with me. Call me when you decide to tell me everything," Clark said. "Maybe when Lex betrays you, you'll realize."

"He won't do that," I told him very sure of it and hung up.

"Ms Hamby?" Lex's assistant found me. "Mr Luthor wants to see you."

I got back to the living room and found Lex there. Alone. No search team anymore.

"Found it," he told me showing me some strange artifact. "I also have the location. Somewhere in the Arctic. I'm going."

"Lex…" I stopped him putting my hand on his shouler. "I don't want to lose you," I told him looking him deep in the eye. "Don't go."

"You know how important this is to me."

"I know but… can you understand my position?"

"I'll be totally fine. When I get back we'll forget about all of this and move on. Like a real couple." He kissed me briefly and turned to go but I caught his hand pulling him back and then putting my hands on his face, kissing him like I wanted. Deeply, passionately.

"You make me feel like we never see each other again," he said huskily.

"You said that," I noticed.

He looked at me closely and suddenly pushed me onto his desk dropping everything on the floor to make room for me.

He started kissing me again me and immediately unzipped his flies. His lips were leaving burning marks all over my body.

I didn't touch his chest, I was glad that I remembered that I would hurt him if I did but still, I was sure he was in pain anyway because of his violent movements. He didn't care what made me even more turned on…

He lifted my skirt and thrust himself into me.

I sighed and moaned loudly.

It was a pure animalistic sex, totally savage.

And I loved every second of it. Every second of this crazy fucking/love making.

Then when we came he stayed inside of me for a while and I felt him panting hard on my ear what made me shiver.

"You are the one," he whispered and got ready to go.

I suddenly felt tears in my eyes.

"Now you made me feel like we never gonna see each other again," I said.

"We will. I promise you, we will," he reassured me.

_Well… can't say he didn't keep that promise…_

"I forgot! Clark called," I said totally breaking the mood but I thought Lex might want to know. "He wanted me to tell him about you. He wanted to know where you were and what you were up to. He said the Veritas wanted to kill him and he knew about the Traveler."

Lex expression changed when I told him that.

"What is it, Lex?" I asked curiously.

"Do you think it's possible that he is the Traveler?" he asked me.

"What?" I almost laughed.

"Kara… his cousin… maybe she's not a meteor infected, maybe she's just like him… she told me that I need to defeat the Traveler or otherwise he'll destroy the world…"

"But why would she want her own cousin dead?"

"I don't know… sometimes you have to put family issues aside and do what's best for the world."

"But… wouldn't that mean that she's a Traveler too? I thought that there was only one…" I noticed.

"Remember when I told you how I met Clark?"

"Yeah, because of this car crash and you both survived… it could be just a miracle."

"There is no such things as miracles." He left after saying those words.

And that was the last time I saw him…


	15. Chapter 15 GONE

Lex didn't come back the next day… and he didn't come back the day after that…

I was concerned, seriously concerned. I told his people to look for him but they had no idea where he was.

It was like he disappeared from the Earth.

* * *

><p>Three days later I was shattered, I didn't know what to do with myself, what to expect, where to look… I decided to go see Chloe. I needed help and she was close with Clark so she was the only one who could know something.<p>

"What happened?" I asked because I'd never seen her like that. She was devastated.

"I have no idea where Clark is," she murmured typing something into her computer.

"Is Clark the Traveler?" I suddenly asked. I knew that if I surprised her with that question, completely out of the blue, she wouldn't be able to lie to me.

I was right. I could see it on her face.

She got even paler than she'd been before.

"How… what…" she stammered.

"Oh my God." And I'd laughed in Lex's face when he'd suggested that!

"Jessica…"

"Lex is gone." I almost burst into tears. I felt like I was going to break eventually… it happened now. "He went to some place in Arctic and didn't come back. No one has heard from him ever since."

"Well… if you already know that much… there's no point in hiding Clark's secret anymore." She sighed.

How could had I been so blind and hadn't managed to associate the facts that Chloe had been hiding Clark's secret?

"That was the reason why I couldn't see Clark's past, wasn't it?" Another brilliant explanation came to my head.

"Probably. Meteor infected people usually can't affect him."

"So… where is Lex?"

"I don't know, Jessica… something strange happened… Clark wanted to stop Lex from controlling him…"

"But Lex heard that he must defeat the Traveler because he would destroy the world!"

"The Traveler? Where did you hear that... oh no, the Brainiac!"

"And who is that?"

"Actually… what is… it's a computer from out of space. He was controlling Clark and impersonating Kara…"

"She was the one who told Lex what to do!" I needed to sit down.

"Sorry, Jessica but Lex is the bad man here and Clark had to stop him but the fortress in Arctic… it just disappeared."

"Fortress? There is a fortress?"

"There was. It's not there anymore, neither are Clark or Lex."

"So, what now?" I cried. "I… I… I can't handle losing Lex again…"

I was tired. Tired of worrying, tired of waiting for him most of the time and not knowing if he was ok, I was tired with that relationship but my feelings stayed the same.

What would've happened if I'd ran away from him in the first place? What would've happened if I'd listened to Chloe and stayed away from him? Had I been so stupid and so naïve that I'd believed everything would just be ok? That our love would be enough?

I felt like somebody stabbed me in the chest, again and again… and when I remembered what I'd felt during our goodbye kiss and then this amazing sex…

I started trembling and soon the sobbing started.

"Clark's our priority right now. I'm sorry but as soon as we find him… he may have some answers considering Lex… Lex may even be with him…"

I felt tears felling down my cheek.

"Jess…" Chloe said softly and handed me a tissue. "It'll be ok, we'll look for Lex too… it wasn't his fault after all, he was just misled… I understand how tragic it must look like… for once… he wanted to save us all and what he did was the opposite… again."

"That's not it, I feel… I feel… like I'll never see him again. I've been having this terrible feeling in my stomach since he left…"

I couldn't feel any worse, it didn't matter that I was tired of all of this, I craved for him anyway. I missed his touch, the way he always looked at me, the smell of his skin…

Chloe got to me and hugged me. I soon found myself crying on her shoulder.

"I just… how could I've fallen in love with somebody like him?" I squealed. "HOW? I was the only one who could see his entire past and I was the one who's fallen in love with him! What's wrong with me? I should've just run away and instead I found myself lying to everybody!"

"We don't choose the person we love, something chooses for us. At least I think so. Maybe it's fate… I promise you, Jessica, I will look for Lex too."

"Thank you." I rubbed my eyes. "I'm sorry that I always ask you for help… you've already done so much for me… you brought him back…"

"Don't mention it, you would do the same for me."

"Yes, I would… I still have hope, you know?"

"Because you have to. Hope is the only thing that helps us survive the worst."

* * *

><p>Only we didn't find Clark… or Lex.<p>

* * *

><p><em>When I came to all I felt was that unbearable pain.<em>

_My whole body was aching so badly… What was it?_

_It was so powerful… so… distractive… what happened? Where was I?_

* * *

><p>I found out that Tess Mercer – somebody close to the Luthor family – was promoted, she was temporarily running the LuthorCorp and she was officially searching for Lex.<p>

I couldn't miss that chance so I went over to the mansion where she was staying and I didn't anymore. It was too painful to be there when every room reminded me of Lex.

She was sitting behind Lex's desk. It was weird and painful to see somebody else in his chair.

"You must be Jessica Hamby." She stood up when she saw me, then smiled and reached her hand out to me.

"And you must be Tess Mercer," I said. "I've heard that you're searching for Lex."

* * *

><p><em>It was all my fault. She'd warned me but I hadn't listened… I realized it all too late.<em>

_I needed to stop watching._

_And then I felt it. Unbelievable! I was crying! Tears made me feel even more pain, the physical one… one of my eyes was in really bad shape… of course the psychical pain was even worse._

_I was watching her and I couldn't bare the pain painted on her face._

_How could I make her feel any better? I'd fucked up and there was nothing I could do to make it up to her._

_I could only watch and suffer in silence..._

* * *

><p>"Yes, I'm looking for him but… as far as I know… nothing new. We still have no idea what happened to Lex," Tess notified me.<p>

I must looked hurt and disappointed because she suddenly added with a little softer voice:

"Don't you lose your hope," she said trying to comfort me. "We'll find him. I will find him. I know his family… or maybe I should've said, I've known his family and I have a very similar character to Luthor's. I find out what happened."

"That is exactly how he used to talk and look what happened to him," I noticed.

"Well, I'll be careful… Do you want something to drink?" she asked.

"No, thank you. Just let me know if something comes up."

"You've got it. I know that you and Lex were in love so I can understand what you're feeling right now and how hard it all must be for you."

"Thanks." I tried to smile but it didn't work out well. "I'll go now."


	16. Chapter 16 WATCHER

Not knowing what happened was even worse than the most dreadful truth. I needed to know if he was alive or dead. I could deal with it either way later…

He could be in pain. He could be burning up or freezing to death…

I had hope. I knew that once he'd even survived a plane crash and he'd spent months on a deserted island while everybody had been so sure that he'd been dead.

Why this time should be any different?

Then the nightmares started. I was somewhere either in a complete darkness, in a forest or in a cemetery and I heard him screaming, calling my name, asking me for help. I heard him suffering but it didn't matter how hard I looked for him I never actually found him.

Then I was waking up screaming and Chloe was there, right by my side, looking at me with compassion in her eyes, trying to calm me down and reassured me that everything would be ok.

But I knew it wouldn't.

No until I would find him.

* * *

><p>A few days later Oliver Queen and his men found Clark.<p>

When I heard that I ran to see him. He might have the answers I needed.

I appeared in Clark's farm and found the whole team there.

"Clark?" I yelled to him skipping the line 'nice to see you alive' but I didn't care if I was being rude. "Do you remember anything at all? Do you know where Lex is?" I sound desperate but – again - I didn't care.

"Jessica… I'm sorry but the last thing I remember is the fortress collapsing. I don't know what happened to Lex."

"You're lying! You must know something!" I started, holding on to every possibility, even the craziest one.

But none of them knew anything.

I moved back a little, listening to them talking and accidentally bumping into the table. Something fell down on the floor, a strange box made form some kind of a metal. It opened. There was a green meteor inside of it.

Strange… it seemed to start illuminating the same time that Clark put his hand on his head and bent over in pain.

He really was the Traveler and… the green rock was making him sick!

I saw my opportunity and took it.

I picked up the rock and reached out my hand to him. He winced with pain.

"Jess, what the hell are you doing?" he exclaimed breathing heavily.

"What happened to Lex?" I roared. "I know you must know something!"

"I don't! I swear!"

Then Oliver held me and Chloe took the rock away from me putting it back in the box.

What was it? What I just felt? Was it rage? I'd never felt so mad in my entire life!

"God, what's happening to me?" I cried and shivered.

Oliver sighed and I felt his arm around me.

"Just calm down, Jessica, we're here for you, we're your friends and you can count on us. We'll help you go through this."

"But you won't find him, will you?" I asked bitterly. "You think he's not worth to be found." I pushed Oliver away and walked out of the barn.

_Lex, where the fuck are you?_

* * *

><p>He was all I could think about and that was probably the reason why I felt so numb at Chloe and Jimmy's wedding.<p>

Yes, they were getting married and I didn't care. Didn't care at all. Didn't feel anything. Couldn't. The only thing that would make me feel something again was Lex, Lex if he was back… but I was losing my hope. I knew it was the most dangerous thing to lose but it was happening to me…

When the wedding reception started some dreadful creature got inside and shattered the decorations.

What was wrong with me? Was I so broken inside that I didn't even feel any fear when it happened? It didn't hurt me but it was close. Clark was the one who saw me there, just standing, looking strangely in the distance. I didn't care. It could kill me stopping my pain once and for all so…

Clark pushed me away and rushed to help Lana…

Oh, yeah, another thing I hadn't mentioned… Lana had gotten back for the wedding and I was sure that soon they would be back together… another happy ending around me…

The creature hurt Jimmy and took Chloe and that was the moment I finally woke up.

Chloe was my closest friend and I didn't want anything happen to her.

"Jessica… just… go home! You'll be safe there!" Clark told me putting his hands on my arms. "The ambulance will be here any minute… they'll take Jimmy to a hospital and I'll find Chloe. I promise."

Yeah, but you hadn't promised me that you would find Lex, had you?

I did what he'd told me because what else could I do?

Now I was also worried about Chloe.

Lex and Chloe… I couldn't lose them both!

I called Tess…

"Tess… it's Jessica, any news?" I asked but I already knew the answer. She would call if she knew something… she would do it immediately.

"No, Jess, I'm sorry but… you know I won't give up on him. I will find him. Eventually."

"Yes, I know…" I sighed and hung up.

What if there was nothing to be found?

* * *

><p>Of course – Clark saved Chloe. It took him a couple of days and a lot of effort but he saved her eventually.<p>

Why the fuck then couldn't he figure out where Lex was?

Then it struck me.

What if nobody wanted to find him? Even Tess? She was so comfortable with her new position in the LuthorCorp... why would she even want him back? Why would she want to bring back Lex who was so obsessed with power and would immediately push her away?

So, I came over to her place.

"Tess… I just figured… what happened?" I asked stunned.

She was sitting on the sofa with a glass of some alcohol in it and tears on her face.

"Lex… your sweetheart… is a son of a bitch!" she swallowed and looked at me bitterly.

"Have you found him?" I got exited, didn't listen at all.

"Well, no… but he's probably ok. He used me and put a nanotransmiter to my optic nerve! Can you believe it? He was watching the whole time! He was watching everything through my eyes!"

"What?" I must be very pale at this moment. "No… what?" I needed to sit down.

"See? He doesn't want you or anybody else to find him."

"But… there must be a reason why he's acting this way! Maybe… he can't move… he…"

"Probably yes, that would explain why he was watching through my eyes but… why didn't he send you any message? He must know that you've been suffering, he must have seen you when we met, remember? Why wouldn't he contact the one he allegedly loves? Are you sure that you still want to find him? Do you really want him to tell you that he no longer needs you?"

"Tess… I won't assume anything until I see him and make him say it to my face."

"If you want more pain…" she was being sarcastic, "be my guest."

I couldn't blame her. She was the one he'd been watching… Why her? Why not me? Was she right? Didn't he love me at all? Was it all one big lie? Another Lex Luthor's game?

But again – I needed to find out by myself. How many times in books and movies women were doing the same mistake over and over again? Always judging but never actually confronting the men who seemed to betrayed them.

"Just give me everything I need to find him," I said very sure of my decision.

"There is more to know…" Tess stood up.


	17. Chapter 17 LOST

"What is it?" I asked Tess preparing myself for even worse news.

"Lex was about to have some procedure which was meant to give him superpowers but Lana was faster… now she has them."

"What?" Was that the reason he'd been with me? Was that the reason he'd taken mine and so many others' abilities? To be super powerful? That would explain everything… and I… I could be just a sex toy for him.

"I know what you're thinking right now…" Tess said, her voice softened. "I know that you think he used you to have these powers… he used every one of us…"

Then, when I didn't say anything, she started again:

"I know it's a lot to process… but… Queen Industries bought The LuthorCorp," Oliver Queen… "and a bomb exploded in the meeting room. Oliver was the only one who survived. That was Lex's job too."

"You sold the LuthorCorp?" I asked.

"I wanted my revenge for what he'd done to me," she answered honestly, "and look what happened… he killed a lot of innocent people."

"No… I don't believe it…" I whispered hiding my face in my hands.

"Better do, because it's true."

I knew it would hurt me even more but I needed to know the whole truth. I needed to see him again and find out by myself. From him. I could tell when he lied, right? I was so sure that he hadn't been lying to me! Or… maybe I'd been wrong when I'd been thinking that I'd been able to tell the difference? Was he such a perfect actor?

"Wow…" Tess suddenly said when she got to her laptop on the desk.

"What? What is it?" I rubbed the tears from my face and got up.

"Looks like Lex planted a bomb on the roof of the Daily Planet…"

"I'm going," I decided.

"No! You can't! Jess!"

I didn't listen… I ran out of the mansion and got to my car.

Suddenly something moving superfast stood just right in front of me.

"What are you doing?" Clark asked harshly.

He knew that I knew that he was the Traveler so he didn't have to hide from me anymore but he scared the hell out of me anyway.

"You know more about Lex than you're admitting!" I growled angrily at him.

"Jessica… Lex is a very bad person!"

Then something even weirder happened. Another person moving with such a speed stopped right next to Clark.

It was Lana.

She had super powers just like Tess had said she would… and that could be Lex…

"Jess… just stay here," Clark told me reaching his hands to me.

"No way!"

"Ok," he sighed and suddenly took me out of the car. I found myself in his arms.

"What do you think you're…" I started but I didn't finish. He supersped with me and it wasn't pleasant. I felt sick and I had to close my eyes.

He stopped right in front of the Daily Planet.

"You want to see Lex?" he asked putting me down. "I'll take you to him when we'll disable the bomb on the roof. You'll see on your own eyes what kind of a person Lex really is and always was. He's a poison, he'll destroy you or… I think he's already done that." Then he and Lana disappeared.

I was waiting impatiently and thinking about Clark's words.

Was he right? Was I stupid? How Lex could had fooled me like that?

Then I saw some flash of green on the roof. Was it the green meteor? Had it just exploded?

But I didn't hear any explosion and nothing was destroyed.

"I'll kill him!" I suddenly heard Clark's exclaim when some blur passed just right by me.

"CLARK!" I roared. "WHAT ABOUT ME?"

People were looking at me strangely. They must be thinking I was crazy screaming like that on the street to particularly no one.

Finally, Lana appeared.

"What happened?" I asked, so tired of this!

"Lex made me absorb the kryptobomb. I won't be able to come near Clark ever again."

"What?"

"Do you still think he loves you? Why would he want a revenge on me and Clark?... Clark isn't a killer, we have to stop him." This time I supersped with her.

Lex loved me or not, I didn't care, I loved him anyway. Yes, I loved this son of a bitch and there was nothing I could do about it, it was stronger than me. Overwhelming. Love was so fucked up… I was staring to hate that feeling but there was nothing I could do to make it go away. Right now I had to save Lex's life. Clark couldn't kill him. Period.

We stopped and when I stood safely on the ground I saw Clark standing right by a big white van.

"Clark! Stop! Think what you're going to do!" Lana stood in his way. It was enough, she made him feel pain because of the green meteors she'd absorbed.

"Clark… please stop! You're not a killer! Nobody deserves to die, not even Lex!" I supported her.

I looked back at the van and made one step forward.

Lex… he must be up there! I would finally see him… I would finally find out what was it that he'd been doing, why hadn't he contacted me… why hadn't he done anything although he'd known I'd been in such a pain…

I felt dizzy, this time not from the superspeeding, I was just afraid of what would happen now.

Suddenly, my phone rang…

* * *

><p><em>I couldn't let her see me like that. I just couldn't. She had to remember me from the time when I'd been strong and handsome – even if I didn't think that the lack of hair had been making me handsome. She had.<em>

_ I'd been handsome to her._

* * *

><p>I stopped and slowly reached for the phone. I knew who that was before I even answered it…<p>

For a moment I wasn't sure if I was able to answer...

Everything I'd done had led me to that very moment. I wanted that, wasn't I? I couldn't back out now.

I answered the phone with my trembling hands.

"Jessica…" it was his voice but it was a little weird.

"Lex?" I gasped doing my best to hold the tears in my eyes.

"Yes, honey, it's me… listen to me… please, do not enter this van." Honey? My heart moved with joy and then stopped. Why didn't he want me to see him?

"Why not? Why do you sound so weird? Are you even in there?" My voice was trembling, just like my whole body. I needed to see him! It was physical and psychical! I needed to kiss him, hold him… even if that meant him pushing me away afterwards. I was willing to take that chance and I even forgot everything he'd just done. It didn't matter.

"Listen to me… I didn't speak to you because I didn't want you to see me like this."

"Like what? What happened to you?" my voice suppressed.

I heard no emotions in his voice though.

"Why did you leave me?" I squealed.

"I didn't… Jessica… my body is destroyed. I can't move, I can't speak. You're hearing my voice through the computer and that is why it is so monotonous. I'm full of emotions right now but you just can't hear them…"

"I don't care about any of that! I only want you!" I cried.

"I love you," he suddenly said.

That was the first time he'd told me that. I felt even worse. I felt miserable.

"I love you too," I whispered but I knew he'd heard me.

"I didn't put the nanotransmiter in your eye simply because I couldn't stand looking at you and not been able to touch you. I couldn't stand the pain you felt because I felt the same."

"But you've seen me anyway when I was talking to Tess!"

"Yes and it broke my heart. You have to let me go. You deserve better than this. I'm a wreck. You fixed my life but I, unfortunately, realized it too late, just when I'd lost it all. You were all I needed and I destroyed it."

"Lex, let me in," I asked. "We can make it work. I don't care what happened to you and what is left from you… I love you… and I don't even care about what you've done for a Christ's sake!"

"If I had the suit that Lana's wearing right now we would already be together."

"Is that why you made her absorb meteor rocks?"

"I'm a Luthor after all and I had to have my revenge. She took the chance of being with you from me so I did the same to her and Clark."

"I don't care!" How many times would I repeat those words? Like a broken record…

"I need you to go away. I'll be always looking after you."

"NO!" I cried. "NO! I can make my own decision!"

Clark seemed to drop his willingness to kill him because now he got closer to me. I noticed that Lana was gone.

I looked at him in despair.

"There has to be something we can do!" I screamed to the phone when Clark put his hand on my shoulder.

"Jessica… just remember that I loved you from the very first moment I saw…" then suddenly the van exploded and I felt myself thrust in the air by the force of it.

Clark caught me and saved me from burning alive.

"LEX!" I was screaming and looking at the van on fire.

I started struggling with Clark but he didn't let go of me to let me run up there.

"LEEEXXX! NOOOO!" I cried, I just couldn't believe what happened. "NOOOOOOOOOOO! PLEASE NOO!" if I'd thought that the pain I'd been feeling before was too much… I was wrong. THAT was!

I gave up realizing that there was nothing I could do, nothing that even Clark could do, Lex was gone. I stopped struggling and just flattened in Clark's arms. He put me closer to his chest letting me cry. I started sobbing hysterically.

"No, it just… couldn't happen…" I whispered into his ear. "You killed him!" I accused him and forced him to let me go.

"No, I didn't. He must…"

"No, he wouldn't blew up a van with me by its side! He wouldn't hurt me! I was standing too close!"

"Right…"

"Clark… I… I can't… how can I…" The pain was just too real, it was too much. I felt like I was on fire myself. I wanted to die too but I knew that Clark wouldn't let me kill myself anyway…

He took me home…


	18. Chapter 18 KILLER

Clark took me home.

Chloe was there, waiting for us.

"Oh my God, what happened?" she asked when she saw us.

Clark didn't look any better than me. He'd just lost Lana and maybe it was even more heartbreaking for them because they were both still alive and still in love with each other.

Or maybe there was really no difference? Any kind of lost was horrible. Unbearable.

I fell down on the sofa, feeling completely numb. I heard Clark telling Chloe everything that had happened like from the distance.

"Do you know who did that?" she asked.

"No, I have no idea and I'm sure that Lex didn't do it by himself."

"He said… he said…" I suddenly spoke cuddling myself on the sofa. "He would… look after me from the distance…" I sobbed. "That he didn't want me to see him like that but… I know he would change his mind eventually…" I started to cry again.

Chloe looked like she had no idea what to do or what to say to make us both feel better. Maybe because there was no such a thing.

"I… I need to be alone…" Clark said turning to the exit.

"Clark…" she stopped him.

"I'll be fine. I've been through this before…" he was trying to sound convincing and cool with all of this but we could sense the obvious pain in his voice. "I need to go!" he supersped out.

"Men never look for any comfort… they're always ashamed of what they're feeling…" Chloe sighed slowly making her way to me and finally sitting by my side. "I'm sorry… Jessica… I want you to know… yes, I think that Lex was a bad man but if there was anything that would make him a better person… it was you. You by his side." She let me cry on her shoulder. "You two were perfect together…"

"Thank you but… are you trying to make… me feel… ww… worse or better?" I stammered.

"I just wanted you to know what I'm thinking…"

"Yeah, if only Lex had realized it all a little bit earlier…"

I didn't know when I actually fell asleep. I was probably too exhausted from the constant crying and hysteria.

_I was woken up by Lex. He was lying right next to me and I could smell the familiar and wonderful scent of his skin, I could feel his touch, I could taste his lips again… we started making love and… in the next second he burst into flames._

_"Lex!" I screamed. "LEX!"_

_"Jessica!" That was his last word and soon enough there was nothing left from him but the ashes which fell on me bathing me in them._

_"LEX!"_

"LEX!" I opened my eyes.

"Jessica! Are you ok?" Chloe immediately got to me.

"Ye… no!" Who was I kidding?

"You were screaming Lex's name," she said looking at me with compassion in her eyes.

I looked at her with pain.

"Oh, honey." She let me cry while holding me once again.

* * *

><p>Next two weeks I spent hiding from the whole world, from everybody.<p>

I was just sitting on the couch, doing nothing but staring into the wall. From time to time I went to the bathroom or reached for some food and drinks that Chloe and Clark were leaving for me.

They still had no idea who was responsible for the explosion and I finally started suspecting every single person. Everyone had a motive... So, I decided to stop… the truth would reveal itself eventually.

I would've never thought that the lost of the person you loved hurt so badly. I had the impression that my life had no meaning anymore, no sense, that all that really mattered was Him… it felt like somebody had put out the sun in my world and now I was living in a total darkness. Alone. Completely alone. Friends didn't matter… I didn't need them, I needed somebody I would've never gotten back.

After some time I finally decided to come out and start living again. Lex would want this for me. My dead parents would want this and even my so long non-seen uncle would if he could see me now. They all cared about me in their own way and I even started thinking about going to see Bill again… He was the only family I had left after all.

For now I closed myself for any kind of feelings. They were making me weak and vulnerable. Lex had been the only one I'd been willing to take that one chance with and how it had all ended up? He'd died leaving me completely alone. His primal instinct for gaining power had overgrown his love for me…

I decided to be as strong as I could. I could do this for him. I could become a little like him. I could become a cold person.

It went so far that I started thinking whether should I put aside my friends…

And then it happened. It was a confirmation for me that being in love always meant being hurt.

Davis – a man who was totally obsessed with Chloe – turned out to be the very Beast who'd taken her at her wedding day and injured Jimmy.

He eventually managed to kill Jimmy and suddenly I was the one who was comforting her.

I knew there were no words to describe what she was feeling but on the other side I knew exactly how she felt. I'd been through this and I would never be able to fully recover from it.

I still remembered when she'd come home that night, her face had been covered with fresh tears which had been still flowing and she'd been red all over.

"Chloe… what happened?" hadn't they been the very similar words she'd said to me when I'd gotten back home after Lex had died?

"Jimmy…" she'd just managed to stammer his name. "He's…"

"Oh, Chloe…" this time I'd been the one who'd been holding her almost the whole night.

Then Clark had come to fill me in everything that had happened.

"I'm so sorry, Chloe… why can't there be any happy ending for any of us?" I asked. Clark had lost Lana, I'd lost Lex, now Chloe had lost Jimmy…

HOW LONG WOULD IT KEEP HAPPENING?

* * *

><p>I entered the LuthorCorp. I needed to talk to Oliver. It was a business matter because he'd bought Lex's company.<p>

When I was just about to knock to his door I overheard his and Clark's conversation.

"…but to take another person's life?" Clark was just asking him with obvious reproach. "Oliver… it's wrong! What were you thinking?"

"Somebody had to do that, Clark. We're all unwilling to kill but then… look at Chloe, Davis and Jimmy! If you killed Davis earlier…"

"But what if I managed to save him? We're not the ones who get to decide who can live or die! We're not gods, Oliver!"

"Chloe lost Jimmy because of this!"

"And Jessica lost Lex because of you!" Clark exclaimed.

What? Wait, what? Oliver was the one who'd killed Lex?

"Lex was a wreck anyway and still… he still managed to hurt everybody around him! Even her!"

"But…"

I couldn't listen to that any longer. I knew who'd killed the man I'd truly loved so I could have my revenge now.

I got to Lex's old office and reached to the drawer of his desk. I found what I wanted and quickly got back to the room where Clark and Oliver were still arguing.

I burst inside. They stop and looked at me puzzled.

I was holding a gun, aiming at Oliver.

"Jessica… what the hell are you doing?" Oliver asked me a little scared.

"You killed him. You were the one who took Lex away from me and you were the one who'd actually been comforting me when he'd disappeared!... When I was asking any of you about Lex… for any news… you all just kept saying that you didn't know anything! I was practically begging you! I was begging you to help me find him and what have you done? Nothing!" I nodded at Clark, "and you…" I looked back at Oliver, "…you killed him instead of helping me."

"Listen… he was barely alive anyway… after all, his body was frostbitten from the Arctic snow…"

"I don't care! He was still alive!" I roared realizing I was crying.

"Jess… think about what you're about to do," Clark tried to calm me down. "You can't kill another friend."

"He's not my fucking friend anymore! He betrayed me!"

"Yes, I agree!" Clark admitted. "I'm thinking right now what he is really capable of if he actually killed a man but…"

"Do you think I don't regret it?" Oliver suddenly asked me. "Do you?" I looked at him and saw a miserable man. He even had tears in his eyes. "I regret it every single second, every single day! I wish I could take it all back but I can't! I would really like to give him back to you."

My hand trembled while I was having a sudden déjà vu feeling.

I remembered that I'd tried to kill Lex once… Lex…

"If you shoot…" Clark started, "I will catch the bullet and Oliver will be fine but… you will still be the one who pulled the trigger. Ask yourself, do you really want to find out whether you can do it? I saw what happened to the man you loved but he did it to himself! He put himself into this van! Oliver blew it up, yeah, that's true but… all that had happened before… it'd been all Lex."

I let the gun drop on the floor and then Clark hugged me.

"It's ok, it's all over now. You have the closure you needed. You finally know the truth."


	19. Chapter 19 BILL

The next day Clark took me to Jimmy's funeral. He was perfectly right – too many people had already died.

Gladly, I finally learnt how to feel nothing. I was completely numb and there was nothing and nobody that could awake me… beside Lex, but it wasn't possible. He was dead and he wouldn't be back. Not ever.

So, I decided to leave Smallville and come back to my uncle. I needed to see him, to tell him everything and above all, I needed to apologize to him.

Sometimes I was wondering whether it would've been better if I hadn't had the ability to see the past in the first place, if I hadn't met Lex. No pain of lost but… I was grateful for every single second I'd spent with him and I wouldn't change it. Not even a little. Not even if I'd known how it would've ended up from the very beginning...

* * *

><p>I got to Metropolis first thing the next morning. I went straight to my old house and knock on the door.<p>

Surprisingly, no one opened. It was strange because it was Sunday so my uncle couldn't be at work.

Where was he then? With some another woman? Doing some nasty things?

I got frustrated and knocked harder. Maybe he'd drunk too much and was now sleeping.

"Are you looking for Bill Hamby?" I heard somebody's voice so I turned around to face the woman living the next door. "Oh… Jessica, how nice to see you!"

"Thank you. Do you know where my uncle is?" I asked. "It's strange that he isn't home today…"

"Nobody has seen him during the day for the last month," the woman answered.

"Why? I don't understand," I admitted.

"Sometimes he comes back here, but only during the night… usually he's somewhere else. I have no idea where."

"That's a new thing…" I bit my lip. "When was the last time you saw him?"

"Last week, I guess. I went to take the trash out and saw him going into the house."

"Thank you."

Now I thought how stupid it'd been of me to throw away the key I'd had to that house. I'd been so sure that I would've never come back here, that I would've stayed away from Bill forever. For my parents.

Stupid, immature bitch.

I walked round the house and found myself at the back, looking at the cellar window. I could break it easily to get inside. No one was watching, so it was now or never.

I could either go inside or just leave Metropolis, go somewhere else, but where?

I made up my mind. I kicked the window and it shattered.

Carefully not to cut myself I slip through it and landed on the cellar ground.

It changed a lot. Strange, I didn't remember it that way… My uncle had used to have a lot of car engines down here, he'd liked repairing them and doing some things with I'd never quite gotten… now there was nothing like that in here. All I saw was the fridge and the bare ground with some handle sticking out of it.

I got curious so I picked up what appeared to be a trapdoor...

There it was again - nothing inside but some pillows.

Why would somebody keep pillows in such a weird and dirty place?

I shut it down and came over to the fridge, then opened it.

I almost screamed… was it… blood?

Blood in plastic bags, exactly like those you can see in a hospital.

I closed it, my heart beating fast.

What had my uncle gotten himself into? Was he keeping some women down here sometimes? Was he killing them? Should I run?

I decided to leave the cellar. Too many secrets, too many suspicions.

Maybe I should just leave and he would never know… no, he would know, the neighbour would tell him. Shit! Then he would probably go looking for me.

The best option was just to stay.

I went upstairs and sighed with relieve that nothing had changed there. I even looked into my old room and it was all the same.

I got to the kitchen and noticed the obvious lack of fridge. Was the fridge from the kitchen in the cellar? Why? What was Bill eating? Even more questions…

I got frustrated once again and went to the living room to watch some TV.

I thought I'd been waiting forever...

Then I heard something. Somebody at the door and they had the key!

Bill?

I rushed out of the living room but then I suddenly felt like superspeeding back, it was the same feeling like when I'd been doing it with Clark or Lana.

Somebody nailed me to the wall and I saw… my uncle's face.

Only that there was something wrong. How could he move so fast?

I started screaming when I saw the fangs sticking out of his mouth.

"Jessica?" he got surprised so I managed to push him away. "God, I thought it was a thief! I'm sorry if I scared you… it's… it's so good to see you!" His fangs were suddenly hidden. They just jumped back to his upper jaw.

"What… what the hell is that?" I covered my mouth with one hand and pointed the other one at his face. "Who are you? Are you a meteor freak?"

"It's a long story but don't worry, I won't hurt you… Jess, I've been so worried… where were you?"

"You wouldn't believe…" I sighed. "But first… I need to explain…"

"You don't have to. I figured that you've seen something that scared you…"

"I'm sorry… maybe I shouldn't have run away like that… but…" I found myself crying.

"Jess… honey… tell me everything…" he took me softly by my arm and led me back to the living room, then turned the TV off and held me in his arms. It felt right. Like I had a father. I forgot howit felt to have a family, somebody related to your blood.

I found myself telling him everything. Absolutely everything. I didn't even miss that I had the strangest ability and that the man I'd loved had captured me first and then…

"…and now he's dead and I can't deal with it. I'm trying. I'm trying very hard to just lose myself, not to feel anything but sometimes… it just doesn't work…"

"Oh, honey…" He rubbed my arm. "I'm so sorry… but it's never about forgetting or denying what you are feeling. You just have to go with it, feel it and then, after some time, it will get better, you'll see… you can't escape from it…"

"What… what was it? Sticking out of your mouth? Are you meteor infected too? You have fangs!"

"I… well… do you really want to know?" he looked me in the eye.

"Yes, I do," I reassured him.

"I'm not that bad as you think I am."

"But I saw it… in your memories... I saw dead bodies… covered in blood… I saw you doing…" I swallowed hard.

"I know… but did you see other creatures like… this?" he asked showing me his fangs again.

I recoiled.

"No… I didn't… I wanted to stop seeing whatever I was seeing immediately…"

"Exactly… listen… I know it's hard to accept or to believe but… I am a vampire."

I stared at him for a moment and then… I laughed.

"It's not funny, I am. Really."

"Something connected to meteors?"

"No, something completely different. Vampires have always been here, long before the meteor shower."

"Is that why nobody's seeing you in the daylight anymore? Is that rumor true? You can't walk in the light?"

"Exactly."

"But when I lived here…"

"I was still human back then. I was eating real food, remember?" he winked at me.

"So… explain, please…" I asked because I didn't understand any of this.

"I was in love once… she was the one and when she died… I've never found anybody like her. It was just like with you and Lex. Such a powerful feeling…"

"How did she die?" I asked.

"She was killed and they found two bit marks on her neck. No blood in the system. They thought that somebody had played a very nasty joke pretending to be a vampire. You know, some fairytale fanatic…"

"But they turned out to be real…"

"Yes, that was the time I started investigating them. Vampires. In order to do that I needed to infiltrate them... become their… human puppet. They were playing with me…"

"Wait… so what I've seen… it wasn't you using them... they were actually using you?"

"Yes. Your parents didn't know anything about vampires, they wouldn't have believed me so they thought I'd gone mad… they didn't want you to be around somebody like me."

"Why did you become one of them if you hated them so much? After all, they killed the one you love."

"They were bad vampires… Oliver Queen killed your love and he's human, not a vampire, do you understand?"

The memory of it made me wince but I got the point.

"I desired the eternal life… I didn't want to grow old… I've earned their trust and after dealing with those two who'd killed her… I became one of them."

"And they didn't punish you for killing one of their own?"

"They don't know and they will never find out."

"Wow… wow…" That was a lot to process. "What are you going to do now?"

"Live. I haven't had a real life since Lorena's death… now I can taste it. Finally. Eternally. I've finally dealt with her death."

"And it took you so many years…" I sighed. "How will I ever recover? We didn't even have enough time…"

"But you had him and that is all that matters. You had some time and you should be grateful for it, you shouldn't try to erase that. Let it be a part of who you are."

"When did you get so smart?" I asked smiling through my tears.

"Well… I guess it came with age… now, there's only one question left."

"What?"

"Do you want to be like me? Do you wish to become a vampire, Jessica?"

first thing


	20. Chapter 20 CLONE

"Do you want to be like me? Do you want to be a vampire?" Bill asked me.

I was staring at him for a moment, speechless.

"NO!" I suddenly answered recoiling. "Hell no!"

He looked down a little sad.

"I'm sorry… I just…" I stammered. "I can't live forever without Lex by my side. I don't know how you managed to let your Lorena go but I'm not willing to do the same."

"Honey… in a couple of years you will, you'll see… it all looks so terrible right now but you'll get over it… and don't forget that you won't be so young and beautiful forever either… better to do this now…"

"No… Bill… I appreciate the offer but no… being a creature of darkness isn't something that I want. I wouldn't want it even if Lex was alive. Sorry."

"Ok, I understand," he sighed. "I can respect that."

"Thank you."

"But I won't be able to watch you die someday…"

"You should've thought about it earlier…" I noticed. "Can I stay here for a while?" I suddenly asked changing the theme. "I have no place to go right now…"

"Of course, honey… stay as long as you want, but you know what?" he stood up. "I need to go and buy you a new fridge... and some food."

I laughed.

"I missed you," I admitted. "Really missed you."

"It's ok, we have plenty of time to get to know each other better. I know that it'll always be after the sunset but still..."

"I know," I smiled. "Look! You made me smile again!"

"First step toward the light."

* * *

><p>So I lived there. I knew I wouldn't stay forever but for now… Later on I was planning on going to Paris. I needed to be on the move. I had to keep changing the places I was staying in while keep avoiding Smallville.<p>

Every single thing of that was necessarily for me as not to break again.

A lot of time passed by and I didn't count the days so I couldn't tell how many exactly or I just didn't want to know.

I answered my phone and heard Clark's voice on the other side.

I'd told him and Chloe that I needed to be alone and if I'd wanted to talk I would be the one who would call but…

This conversation terrified me and unfortunately it opened some not-yet-healed wounds.

"Clark… you promised…" I said before he could tell me what was going on.

"I'm sorry Jessica… but I think you should know…"

"Did something happen to Chloe? Is your mother OK? What about Lois?" I found myself asking.

"No… they're all fine but… or maybe I shouldn't tell you this… it turned out that somebody wanted to clone Lex." That name struck me like a knife through my heart, like a slap on my face.

"WHAT?" I yelled to the phone.

"Yes… but… it turned out that that clones weren't actually successful, they were aging fast… I… I had to deal with the oldest one and he was also the smartest and most vicious…" I was quiet. It hurt too much. I found myself holding my breath. "He was evil…" Clark continued. "He asked about you but… he was a phantom, Jessica, it wasn't Lex, not the real one, not your Lex. He almost killed Lois and managed to blow half of Metropolis up but I stopped him. He died…" I was still speechless. "He was bald but even though he was old he didn't look like Lex. There must be something wrong with his genetic material."

"I… I understand…" I finally spoke. "Thank you... for telling me that."

"There's something else… there was another one, a pretty little boy with red hair just like Lex when he'd been a child…"

"Really?"

"Tess was hiding him, she wanted to raise him to be a good man... he's name is Alexander."

"Oh my god…" Yes, I noticed the sudden change of the tense in Clark voice. Now he was speaking in present... that meant...

"He's a teenager and well… he has my powers… he has my genetic material."

"I…" What should I say? I felt like I was being knocked out. Did I want to see him? Or it was just too much to handle? It was a child after all and it wasn't the real Lex, it was half Lex and half Clark.

"He saw your picture and asked me who you were… he liked you. He said you're beautiful… and I'm telling you this because I want you to know that Lex would always fall in love with you. You were always the one. You were his whole world."

"Thank you," I whispered because I felt like crying. Wasn't it enough? Why was I miserable all the time?

I knew how hard must it be to Clark to tell me all of this. Lex had destroyed his chance for being happy with Lana after all … but they'd been such a close friends once…

"No problem and… I'll leave the decision to you… you know… if you like to see him…"

"Clark… I can't… it's not my Lex. Maybe you won't understand it but my Lex died. That body is half you, so he's not the Lex I knew. No copy would ever replace him, it would just be wrong."

"I do understand," he reassured me. "Actually… I was expecting you to say no… and about the boy… we're afraid that he's going to die soon… he's also aging fast…"

"I can't do this again, I can't go through with this again," I found myself close to hysteria.

"I understand," he kept saying.

I felt Bill standing right behind me. He had good hearing, he was probably listening. He put his hand on my shoulder to keep me straight, to give me courage, comfort and support.

"How are you?" Clark asked me. "Have you managed to… deal… a little?"

"No, I haven't, but I found my uncle… we've rebound. It turned out that I was wrong, it was something else that I've seen…"

"That's very good news, Jessica, I'm happy for you… I hope that with time you will…"

"No," I interrupted him. "I will never be… unless... my Lex is back but I know it's impossible."

"I'll call you soon... Can I?" he asked.

"Yes, I think you can."

"Can you come visit? We would like to see you..."

"No, Clark, that would be too much for me now."

"Ok, take care… we love you, Jess and we think about you, even when you're far away… always remember that…"

"I will…" I wasn't far away. For Clark speeding up here would probably be just a matter of couple of minutes but he didn't have to know this.

I hung up and cried.

"Hey… easy… I'm here…" Bill put his arms around me.

It suddenly seemed like escaping from Smallville hadn't made any difference. Maybe I should come back eventually? I was feeling the same wherever I went so…

* * *

><p>"Are you sure that is what you really want? Are you sure that you can do this alone?" Bill asked me like for the hundredth time.<p>

I was about to go to Paris.

Yes, I decided to go there instead of coming back to Smallville after all.

"Yes, Bill… I am sure and I will be fine. I'll call you if I need you."

"And then I will get there as soon as I can," he reassured me again.

"I know… thank you for everything… I'll see you soon…"

* * *

><p>So I got to Paris.<p>

It was a wonderful city as I expected it to be. I wanted to be in constant distraction so the first thing I did was to go see the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre and all those famous places you just had to see when in Paris.

I'd been there for a few days, wandering around, watching the monuments closely and thinking what I should do next... Stay a little longer and find a job? Or maybe just come back home?

Then something unexpected happened.

I bumped into… Lana.


	21. Chapter 21 ERASED

"Wow! Lana! What a surprise!" I exclaimed when I saw her. She looked great.

"When did you come here? Are you staying for long?" she asked.

"I've just arrived a couple of days ago and done the basic… sightseeing. I don't know if I stay… it's so weird to see you here."

"I had to escape from my past but it seems to be chasing me…" she smiled to me. "Paris was the perfect place to go. I'd lived here before so I knew the city."

"You can say that I'm escaping my past too but.. well… I'm basically on the other side of the world and I still feel like I felt back home… "

"Yeah... I know the feeling..."

"Maybe we should go for a cup of coffee? What are you saying?" I suggested.

"That's a great idea and I know the perfect place! You'll love it! It's a small and cozy coffee shop!" she took my hand and led me across the street.

"Do you still have… you know… your powers?" I asked carefully.

"Yes, that's not something you can just get rid of," she answered, "but I'm glad that I have them. I can help people here, in Europe."

We reached the place and she led me to the very last table hidden right between the outside wall of the building and a tree.

"I like it here, no one can see me when I want to be alone," she said, "and I like to sit outside where there's fresh air."

We ordered two cups of coffee and finally I asked the question I wanted to know the answer for.

"How are you… coping?"

"I've moved on. I don't even miss Clark right now," she said while smiling. It was a true smile, so different from all my fake ones. "I've actually met a guy here. I think he loves me."

"And what about you? Do you have feelings for him too?"

"I think so… yes, I have… it's easy, you know, not complicate. Maybe the perfect love is supposed to be easy…"

Yeah, maybe, but mine hadn't been… although all the time I'd spent with Lex had been perfect.

"I've told him that I'm saving people and he loves it!" Lana got enthusiastic.

"That's fantastic!"

"And how are you doing?"

"Well… bad… I won't lie to you… and I don't really want to talk about me right now."

"Ok, then, tell me how's Clark."

"He's probably fine too… I haven't seen him for a while but I know that he's starting to be happy with Lois."

"That's good. I want him to be happy."

It was so nice to meet somebody I knew. Somebody from my past.

I didn't know where to go from here but for now… I had Lana to show me Paris in her own way… I had a friend and didn't have to be alone.

* * *

><p><em>I opened my eyes. <em>

_It felt like waking up from a very long dream._

_One moment I'd been talking to Jessica and the next…_

_I'd felt the force of the explosion._

_My body had been parted into million little pieces… and then I'd been flying. I'd been flying and I'd seen her._

_She'd been moaning, crying and sobbing, she'd been hysterical, almost in catatonic stage and Clark had been holding her._

_I'd felt anger because I'd supposed to be the one who'd held her, not him. Never him._

_And then I'd realized I'd been actually dead._

_Now... when I opened my eyes… it seemed like I was sleeping for a very long time._

_I took off the oxygen mask and noticed that something was wrong with my right hand. It was strangely gross, wrinkled, wizened, crinkly… was there no skin on it? Should I feel pain? Because I didn't…_

_Then I looked down at my body and… what the…_

_It was even worse. I looked like I'd been cut into dozens of pieces and bound back together again. _

_Suddenly, I got it. It didn't only look like that, it WAS like that._

_My body must had been reconstructed from the bodies of my clones… the truth came to me._

_But I wasn't a clone myself. I was the one and only Lex Luthor…_

_I got up ripping out whatever was connected to me and put some clothes on._

_I was ready._

_Ready to live again._

_I was given another chance._

_I was alive once more! _

_I needed to find Jessica… and Clark…_

_How much time had passed? Had she forgotten me already? Was she alive? Had she had another man?_

_That would be the end of me. Again._

* * *

><p><em>I went home…<em>

…_and I found Clark there. _

_Two ultimate enemies who'd used to be friends once… just met again._

_I had a great satisfaction of the look on Clark's face. He had to deal with my clones before but none of them had been really me and now… now he was facing his worst nightmare._

_"Can't say I love what you've done with the place," I said to him while looking around. _

_My home, my great magnificent mansion was completely destroyed. _

_"I expected to find Jessica here but… I found YOU instead" I added.  
><em>

_"Did you really think she would still be here? She couldn't stand the walls of this building, she couldn't even stand Smallville anymore because it'd all been reminding her of you. You hurt her and there is no one to blame but you."_

_"I know it, Clark, I don't need a lecture from you…" Next I told him what I was thinking of him. How we would work. Two opposite sides. Good and evil. Every perfect hero needed a perfect villain… like ling and liang, they needed each other…_

_But then he played one of his tricks on me while suddenly disappearing moving faster than the eye could notice. _

_One second he was here, the next he was gone._

_Where was Jessica then? I needed to find her…_

_I went to the other place I owned or… I'd used to…_

_LuthorCorp._

_To my old office._

_I didn't even bother that the world was going to end. Clark would stop it, I was sure of it so there was nothing to be worry about._

_Surprisingly nothing had changed in my office, not even the slightest thing. Maybe no one had been using it after I'd died…_

_I sat down in my chair and turned myself round to face the window. I wanted to see how Clark would do this. The impossible. His final heroic deed… the one that every single person would remember… The famous old Red Blue Blur was about to gain even more fame. He could work on his name though because this RBB was so ridiculous!_

_No Clark Kent was better than me though, I was the one who'd cheated death, I was the one who'd been brought back from the dead and was still himself. Not like my brother – Julian – whom I'd cloned once, no… I was ME, because the Darkseid had brought my essence back. Only my body was new. It looked the same but it had those nasty cuts all over. Small price after all._

_The door opened and my heart jumped for the first time since I'd been back but only to drop in its place again._

_It wasn't Jess, it was my half-sister, Tess._

_"Long time, sis…" I said managing not to lose my casual tone. The mask was back on once again._

_I turned my chair to look at her._

_I had a plan. She'd been becoming just like me and there was no place for another Luthor in this world._

_So I stabbed her. Yes, I killed her. Maybe the old me – the one who'd been with Jessica wouldn't have done that but I'd already forgotten how it'd been. I needed her to remind me, she just wasn't around. _

_After all, Tess had tried to push Jessica away from me when she'd found out about the nanotransmiter in her eye… gladly Jessica had decided to hear the truth from me…_

_"Why?" Tess asked looking at me._

_"I'm saving you, you know."_

_"From what?"_

_"From becoming me..."_

_"Too late... Clark already did that..."_

_Of course, famous Clark Kent, the knight in a shining armor had saved her... even better reason to kill her._

_Then when I was holding her in my arms, watching her dying… she put a hand to my cheek and I felt something cold and wet on it. It pinched me._

_I rubbed it off with my finger and saw some strange dark substance._

_I looked puzzled at my dying sister._

_"It's the neurotoxin that you started at Summerholt… it penetrates…" she started explaining and then I remembered._

_"…dermal issue," I finished feeling the dreadful fear washing over me.  
><em>

_"...paralyzing all cognitive reception," Tess added._

_"How long?" I asked her._

_"30 seconds."_

_"What will I remember?"_

_"Nothing." It dropped on me like a brick, like a death sentence once again._

_I stood up. I wanted to hurt her but I'd already killed her. She had like seconds to live so what else could I do?_

_"You… bitch!... Jessica…" I stopped. _

_Tess looked at me one more time:_

_"She doesn't deserve such a son of a bitch like you, she deserves a real and happy life. I did her a favor…" After having said that, she closed her eyes. She was dead._

_Jessica… _

_Would I be able to fall in love with her all over again or I would just cause her more pain?_

_Then it struck me…_

_I saw the years of my childhood, they passed right before my eyes… so quickly... and then it was all blank. I couldn't remember anything. I saw the time when I'd been Clark's loyal friend, when I'd been married to Lana and… I just COULDN'T FORGET THAT! I saw Jessica. The very first time I'd met her. She'd been so afraid of me… she'd hated me, she'd been so disgusted by me and then… the impossible had happened… she'd loved me with her whole heart and I'd been the exact son of a bitch that Tess had called me… I'd destroyed Jessica and destroyed our love… I'd caused her even more pain…_

_Blank. Black. White. Nothingness…_

_Who was I? Why was I here? What was it in the sky? Was is the End? The very End of the world? Did I forget everything? Had I hit my head? Why was I bald? Why was I wearing only one glove..._


	22. Chapter 22 HOPE

I was actually having fun with Lana in Paris… she was making me forget… she was so cheerful and happy with her life right now that she made me have some hope for the very distant future...

And then something unexpected happened.

I just came home back to my hotel room from another trip with her (it was amazing how fast we could travel when she was using her powers) and my phone rang.

I looked at the screen – it was Clark.

When I picked up I heard his terrified and shocked voice.

"What happened?" I asked pretty concerned.

"I don't know how to tell you this not to hurt you or even worse… give you some false hope…"

"What is it? Just tell me if you've already gotten so far," I demanded. I could sense that it was something very important. Crucial like the matter of life and death.

"It's Lex. He's back, Jess. He's your Lex," Clark said and I was speechless.

What? How was that possible? I was so shocked… I felt the air escaping from my lungs, I felt dizzy... shaky...

I'd been dreaming about that day for so many months but those were only dreams. Dreams which could actually be very painful… I'd been doing everything in my power to feel nothing, to feel numb for the most of the time but I could do nothing to control my dreams at nights.

Clark didn't speak, he must know what I was going through right now, what I was feeling… he waited patiently and I could hear him breathing through the phone.

"How?" I finally asked pulling myself together or at least, I tried. I was feeling my whole body shivering and had the impression that my legs were made out of jello.

"Lionel… he came back from a different reality like a different dimension and... I don't have much time to explain it all but… he gave up his soul so his son could live."

"Where is he? Is he really the Lex?"

"Yes… it's him. I don't know where he is now. Maybe still in the mansion but it got destroyed…" Wait? What?

"What happened to the mansion?"

"Got burned up by the little copy of Lex…"

"Oh…"

"So, maybe the real Lex went to LuthorCorp, I have no idea, Jess. I have apocalypse on my mind right now." I was so preoccupied with Lex that I didn't even think about what Clark was saying.

"I'm coming," I said. The decision had been made in the very moment I'd heard that he'd been back.

"How?" Clark asked. He had a point. "It will take you forever." Yes, he knew I was in Paris.

"It's a long story."

I hung up without even saying goodbye. I was sure he understood and wasn't mad at me. I had more important stuff to deal with now.

I called Lana.

"Lana… I need your help…"

"What happened?" she asked me with concern in her voice.

We'd actually gotten really close what was strange because of the fact that she'd been Lex's ex wife and he'd destroyed her life.

"I need to get to Metropolis like… right now… Lana? Are you there?" I asked because she didn't say anything. "Lana?" Still, no answer.

Then I felt the rush of air and she stood right next to me.

"Why?" she asked.

I didn't even bother with telling her that she'd scared the hell out of me.

"Lex's alive," I said and her face changed.

"He died in front of us, remember?" she asked harshly.

"Clark just called… he's really back."

She sighed heavily. I knew she had conflict of interests but she could understand my love. She knew I would get back to Metropolis even if I had to go by plane. She could save me a lot of trouble and time.

"Ok, but I can't see Clark or stay there for that matter… I won't even stay to help…"

"Help?"

"Don't you watch the news?"

"No, why? I mean… Clark mentioned something about apocalypse on his mind but…"

Lana took the remote control and turned on the TV.

"Look…" She pointed at the screen.

Wow… on the other side of the globe, right over America, there was a planet… heading right toward the Earth.

"I believe that Clark will stop it but people are saying it's the end."

"Never mind, let the world end but I need to see Lex first. Can you understand that?" It looked like my madness had come back along with him.

"I think so… although, you're being selfish, do you realize how many people are out there in the world? How many children who want to live?"

"I know… I am selfish but after all that I've been through I have the right to be."

She just shook her head and we supersped.

* * *

><p>Maybe an hour or less later we were back in Metropolis.<p>

"Now… I'm running back. Good luck," she said, smiled and hugged me.

"Lana?"

"Yes?" She turned to me again.

"Thank you. I know how hard it must be for you to help me to get to the man who destroyed your happiness."

"You're welcome." She was gone.

I shivered and looked up at the top of LuthorCorp.

I couldn't believe it…

I just still couldn't believe!

My life had changed for the better in the split of a second.

Before that second I'd been miserable and I'd been so sure that I would never be happy again, never be able to smile again.

Until now… when Clark told me THIS.

I was running through the crowded city. All the people were standing there, on the streets, looking in the sky and wondering whether it was the end. The very end of the world.

A fire planet was heading toward Earth and it seemed like no one could stop it.

I didn't care. My world had ended a long time ago with the death of the person I'd loved most. And now… now I could be happy again. If I believed Clark.

So I didn't care about the End. Maybe Clark would manage to stop it anyway.

All that was in my head was the fact that I would be reunited with him... with my lost love...

I was heading toward LuthorCorp…


	23. Chapter 23 FAREWELL

I pushed the door open and – of course – there was no one there. The usually crowded place was now completely empty. Not even a single person... but I was heading toward the very top of the building. To the one particular office.

I was breathing heavily, my heart was pounding hard in my chest… so hard that I could hear it.

Was it foolish of me to have this hope? The hope that I would find him there? That I would find him healthy and fine? I'd seen the evidence of his death, but this time it was different. That was the classified project of the LuthorCorp.

I stood by the door of his office and I stared at it, trembling.

If it wasn't true after all I would want the world to end but if it was true… _Clark, please, save us all!_

I reached to the doorknob and turned it.

I let the door swung open and…

…I saw him.

It had to be him!

But… Oh my God… Tess… Tess was dead! He must had killed her!

Her dead body was lying on the ground. I was too shocked to say a word...

He sensed that he wasn't alone in the room anymore because he turned to look at me.

It was he. He. He. He. The perfect he. But… why was he wearing only one black glove on his right hand? Wait… the glove! I remembered it from somewhere…

I saw sparks in his eyes and he suddenly rushed toward me. I was unable to move. Stunned. Couldn't breathe at all.

Maybe it was a dream?

He looked at me closely and then he put his hands on my arms. I had the impression that my heart stopped.

He bent over and I felt his lips over mine. He kissed me and the familiar but long lost feeling of being save and in the right place in the universe was back. Our love was back. The sparkle, the electricity, the attraction, the desire and the passion. I felt the wonderful scent of his skin… I'd been hopelessly craving for all of these for so long…

Then he stopped kissing me and moved back a little, still with his hands on my shoulders.

He was puzzled and confused.

I didn't understand why. Clark had told me that he was completely fine, he was himself.

"Why do I love you?" he asked me. "How do I know you?"

I looked into his blue-gray eyes – the ones I loved so much – seeing clear confusion.

"What do you mean? Don't you remember me? It's me… Jessica…" I squealed.

How could he? Maybe there was something wrong with him after all? Maybe Clark hadn't noticed it? Maybe Lex didn't have any memories of me? I couldn't lose him again. Which time would that be? The third? Fourth?

"This woman…" He looked at Tess's dead body. "She… she put some strange substance on my face… and then… nothing… I can't remember anything else but somehow I remember you… I have no actual memories but… I love you. How is that possible?" He looked at me again.

It would be romantic if it wasn't so tragic.

Tess must had made Lex forget everything he'd done. She'd made him forget all his past. She'd wanted to raise the little copy of him right... when she'd failed because the clone had died she'd erased Lex's real memories to save him.

Why would she consider me getting hurt again?

"And why is the world… ending?" Lex asked as though as he still couldn't believe it.

"It's not… The Blur will safe us," I assured him touching his arm.

"The… who?" his wrinkled his forehead. "Why am I bald?" Another question.

"Well… I'm afraid that we'll have to start from the very beginning…" Suddenly, I saw an opportunity in all of this.

I couldn't change anything, it was already too late for that but after all it was my Lex and although he had no memories of me, he loved me! What kind of prove of his love was that? A big one. A huge one. The greatest prove the world had ever seen… just to still love somebody even when you didn't remember that person at all...

I couldn't let Tess die in vain and it didn't matter that she might had destroyed my happiness again. I needed to make that sacrifice of her count. I also needed to have my Lex back… I had to think… but…

"You saved me and we were together," I told him because he was waiting for my answer quite impatiently. I wasn't surprised, if I was the one with no memory I would act the same way, maybe I would be hysteric. Lex handled it very well.

He suddenly smiled.

"It may sound weird but you seem like the only right and real thing to me." He gently brushed my cheek.

"Oh God, I've missed you so much!" I yelled thrusting myself into his arms.

"I'm so confused…" he admitted burrying his face in my hair.

"It'll be alright. Just stick with me and I'll explain everything."

Something interrupted us. The planet that was heading toward the Earth miraculously started going away.

"He did it," I said with a smile and held Lex's hand. We came over to the window side by side.

"Who did?" he asked curiously. "It's impossible!"

"I have a lot to tell you," I sighed. "First… I have to see somebody."

"Who?"

"I'll take you to your mans… no, wait, he said it got destroyed… then I'll take you to my old apartment and I'll be back as soon as possible. What do you say? Can you trust me on that and wait for me?"

"Of course… I trust you… and… did you just say that I had a mansion?" He smiled. "Does that mean I'm rich? Or powerful?"

I sighed again.

"Well… yes, but… I promise you, later…"

When we got out of the LuthorCorp and I was still holding his hand… I felt like in another dream of mine, but dreams usually ended up badly… this one was different.

This time it was the impossible reality.

"Hm… ehm…" I wasn't sure if I should tell Lex that but… "It's your company by the way, or was… I'm not aware of its current status… and your name is Alexander Luthor but everybody's calling you Lex."

"Interesting…" he just said.

I needed to make him not to look for his past in the old newspapers… he would find out a lot of bad things… or should I just explain it all by saying it was rubbish?

I took him to my old apartment I'd been once living in with Chloe. Now when Chloe had been with Oliver it stood empty.

"Nice place…" Lex said when we entered. "It's cozy here."

I laughed, couldn't stop myself.

"What did I say?" he looked at me puzzled, didn't understand my reaction.

Was I going to tell him that he'd probably been teasing such a places before? He'd been always living in the highest standards…

"Nothing," I said. "You are just… so cute when you don't know who you are. Wait here, you can watch TV and make yourself comfortable…"

"If I was a movie maniac in the past that is probably a good thing that I can't remember anything, isn't it? I can just watch everything over again."

I laughed again.

"I didn't know that you have such a sense of humor but unfortunately… no… you weren't a movie maniac. You occasionally watched something but you had more important things on your mind."

"Like you?" he suggested.

"Yes…" I hesitated. "Like me and… well… work, business… you liked solving mysteries…"

"I have the impression that you are very careful with what you are telling me."

"I'm sorry, I just… need to talk to somebody but I'll be back before you even notice… and I'll tell you your and our story."

"Ok, I'll wait here, it's not like I have any other place to go…"

It was so funny when Lex Luthor had no place to go but some small old apartment… he looked odd sitting on my sofa.

I walked out of the building and called Clark.

"I know it's not the best time but I need to talk to you, right now. It's an emergency. I'm in front of the Talon. With mansion destroyed I brought Lex here. Tess is dead… She did something to him and now he has no memories at all. Well… beside the fact that he loves me but it's not a memory… it's rather a feeling…"

I felt the rush of air and Clark was standing right next to me with a phone put to his ear. He turned it off and shoved to his pocket.

"You need to stop doing this!" I yelled at him. "You're scaring the hell out of me every single time!"

"Sorry… how did you get here so fast?"

"That is not important. I'm asking you what I should tell Lex and what I shouldn't. Tess gave up her life to make him a better man. We cannot jeopardize that sacrifice."

"And you… asking me? That's pretty weird, don't you think?"

"No, you were calling me and telling me everything. I appreciate that. I don't think that Chloe or Oliver would do the same for me. You are the honest one, Clark and you were the best friend Lex had ever had so the decision is yours to make."

"I just… well… I remember the time Lex had been my best friend and I also remember how painful love could be so… that was the reason why I was calling you," he explained.

"It's enough for me."

"Lex didn't try to kill me when he got back today… he said…" Clark's face suddenly got sadder, "he said that there always has to be the opposite side to everything and he is my opposite. He was asking about you, he wanted to see you, he thought he might catch you in the mansion… I didn't tell him anything but I called you immediately. I wanted to leave that decision to you."

"That was a good choice," I said puting my hand on his arm. "Lex with no memory doesn't have to be your opponent but… you do understand that this is a goodbye for you and me? I have to leave you, Chloe and everybody else I know. I have to. Lex cannot know you all and I wasn't around recently anyway so…"

"I understand. It will be hard, I will miss you a lot… everybody will miss you."

"Me too, but losing Lex is more painful, it's unbearable and I have to be there for him now. I don't want to go through any of the horror I was in the past."

"I get it… tell him… tell him everything about the meteor shower and why he lost his hair… tell him that he was dying and his father sacrificed his life for him because he loved him and he was a good man. Tell him that he wanted to make some good things in the world… you can tell him about the Traveler, his father might loved him but he also might be so blinded by the Veritas… you can tell him that he thought he would save the world if he defeated the Traveler but he was deceived… he was a tragic hero… love him, just love him and be with him and I'm sure that everything will be alright and… yes… tell him that he had a real friend a couple of years ago and that his friend saved his life once."

"That would be you."

"Yes… and he saved you. You have to tell him about the meteor infected but you can tell him that he was helping them and you... eventually."

"Yes, I can't lie about myself. I have to tell him that I was scared of him at the beginning but later on I fell in love with him."

"Exactly…"

"I think… I think that is a farewell for us, Clark. I need to get back to him," I said with changed voice.

"I'm afraid so…" he confirmed looking me in the eye. "I will miss you, Jessica."

"I will miss you too," I said, kissed his cheek and then I let him hug me tight.

"Maybe you'll find a way to be present on mine and Lois's wedding someday…"

"Wait… didn't you…"

"No, it was interrupted."

"I'm sorry. I wish you could see me too... you know... in my wedding day."

"I will." He smiled mysteriously. "I will."

I watched him disappear in a second and went back to Lex…


	24. Chapter 24 LOVE

I came back to Lex and closed the door behind me.

"Lex?"

He looked at me while sitting on the sofa.

When I saw his face I felt sorry for him. It must be all new to him, he must be so confused… and when add to all of these the feelings he still had toward me, although he practically had no memories of me…

Or maybe he deserved it? Maybe it was a small price to pay? He'd done so many horrible things, he'd hurt so many people… now he had to pay. Everybody had to eventually.

"I have to tell you about your life. Do you trust me?" I got to him and sit by him putting one of my leg under my tight making myself comfortable.

"Yes," he assured me.

"Ok… listen…" I took a deep breath, looked into his eyes and started…

* * *

><p>"So? What are you saying?" I asked.<p>

"I think… I think you made a strangely good person out of me," he finally said. "I don't think I am… I was… like that."

"Yes, you are, you are like that when you are with me."

"What was my father like?"

"He was… kind of misled person but in the end he did a very brave and wonderful thing for you. He gave you back your life... he always loved you."

"Thank you," Lex whispered putting his hand to my cheek and brushing it gently. I closed my eyes with pleasure. I'd been craving for that feeling for so long… only in the bravest dreams. "Can you be with me if I don't remember anything? I know that what you told me about us is one hundred percent truth… I just…"

"I cannot live without you so, I think we'll figure something out," I smiled and kissed him.

I missed it so much!

He didn't oppose, he trusted his feelings.

When I touched his torso to undo his shirt he suddenly stopped me clenching my hands fiercely in his.

"What happened?" I asked crestfallen. "Is it too fast? I'm sorry… of course, I'll give you time to get to know me again…" I started babbling so he put his finger to my mouth to shut it down.

"No, it's nothing like that, sweetheart… I just…" he let my hands free and looked down sadly.

"You can tell me…" I encouraged him.

"It's… it's just… this is not the body you've been touching before… this is a copy and to be more specific... a copy that has been brought together from different body parts… I don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what?" I wrinkled my forehead and looked at his right hand still in the black glove. I must forget about that weirdness. "Lex, what is it?"

"Nothing… if you want to have sex with me we will have to do it with my clothes on." He was dead serious!

"What the hell are you talking about?" I ripped his shirt open with one quick motion so he couldn't stop me.

I saw his body. It was like somebody really pieced it up together from many parts. The cuts were visible and red but I could only feel sorry for him, nothing more, no disgust, nothing like that.

Lex's body has been made from clones' bodies but it looked exactly the same… well… if I didn't count the red marks.

I looked on the bright side – there was no scar from the cut he'd gotten from Veritas.

"Lex… I don't care," I told him taking his face into my hands. "Why would you think I would? It's you. You're inside of that body and that's all that matters to me…" I gently brushed the scar on his chest with my finger. "Does it hurt?" I asked him with care in my voice.

"No…" He looked like he was going to cry.

"What? Did you really think this would scare me? What about the time when Veritas cut your chest? I didn't run then... I've told you..."

"This time is different. There's no possible skin transplant. It's all already transplanted… I saw myself in the bathroom when you were gone and I can tell."

I kissed him.

"I love you, no matter what. I wish you could remember our conversation right before you died…" I shivered on the recollection of that memory. "Your body was completely destroyed, much worse than that," I looked down at his chest again and again up into his eyes, "and I still didn't care."

"I wish I could remember."

"May I?" I asked and slowly took the glove off his hand.

This was a little worse, it was like he had no skin on it, like it was just bare but hardened flesh.

"Does it hurt?" I asked him again.

"No… it's like I have a normal hand, just…"

"I understand…" I kissed it. "You can touch me with this hand if you want. You don't have to hide from me."

He looked at me bewildered.

"What?" I asked him.

"I just… can't believe that you don't care… people are not like that… usually…"

"Well. I am." I pulled him into another kiss.

"You have no idea how much it means to me…" he whispered into my ear when I was kissing his neck.

"Oh yes, I do," I said and started undressing myself and then him.

When we were both naked I could get to know his body again but actually, there was nothing new. It was all the same. Everything was in its right place…

"Everything is just like I remember," I said at loud while smiling boldly. "I can't wait any longer… I've been waiting long enough… Lex, I want you inside of me."

"You've got it red-haired…" he said and let me do this so I straddled him taking him deep inside.

It was new, I was on top and I liked it.

Then when I moaned and he started panting he turned me over so I found myself under him.

Even his weight was exactly the same.

I felt like I got to heaven.

He was back… he was there, in me, all over me... making me feel again, fucking me, sending me to the moon in ecstasy...

* * *

><p>"How long will it take?" I heard Lex talking to the real estate agent.<p>

"We'll do everything in our power to make it as quick as possible, Mr Luthor. I think… it should take two months top."

"Thank you very much for your collaboration."

"We have a deal, Mr Luthor and it's a pleasure to make business with you."

I entered the living room when the agent left.

"Jessica…" Lex smiled to me making his way toward me.

"What are you doing this time?" I asked.

He kissed me first, then he answered:

"Well… after I got my company back I think it's time to get our home back too."

"I didn't actually live there, you know."

"Oh, sorry… I…"

"I know…" I calmed him down, "but I'll take that as an invitation."

"Of course… I want to live with you in my mansion even if I don't actually remember that building."

"It will be funny, you know? It's quite big and for somebody who's never been there before… it's easy to get lost."

"I have you to guide me," he said and hugged me burrying his face in my hair. "What would I do without you?"

"I don't know but let's never find out."

"Never."

* * *

><p>I was surprised when I realized that I hadn't thought about calling my uncle.<p>

I was spending my whole time with Lex and everything beside him had just slip out of my head. Like I also had permanent amnesia and all I could remember was him.

So, Bill was the one who called me.

"Jessica?" I heard his voice on the phone. "Jessica, can you please explain to me what the hell I am reading right now?" I almost laughed for this weird combination of words. 'Please' and 'hell' sounded really funny when put together.

"And what is it that you are reading about?" I asked. "I know, Bill… I should've called… I'm not in Paris anymore… you'll never guess… I…"

"…Lex Luthor's alive?" he asked interrupting me.

"How did you know that?"

"It's all over the news. I'm just reading today's newspaper and the title is "Lex Luthor is back. LuthorCorp is back on business…"

"Oh… sorry… I didn't want you to find out that way…"

"So, when would you call? Jessica… it's a big deal. You told me that this man was dead, you were grieving practically the whole time we spent together and now…"

"Ok, let me explain…" So, I quickly summed everything up for him.

"Hard to believe, hah?" I asked him when I finished.

"Not so much… there's nothing in this world that could surprise me now… believe me… My only concern is about you. Are you sure that this is the real Lex and not some very successful clone?"

"Yes, I am sure. The Darkseid brought his soul… essence... or whatever… back from the dead."

"The Dark power? Did Lex make a deal with it?"

"No, his father did. He already paid the price. He got possessed by the Darkseid and Clark took care of this."

"Good… and… when will I meet this special man of yours?" I noticed that Bill's voice changed. Now he was happier.

"Wherever you want… you can even come here tomorrow."

"Ok, I can't wait to see you. I'm so happy for you. You are the luckiest girl alive, Jess."

"I know…" I smiled although he couldn't see me right now. "See you soon."

"Who was that?" Lex asked coming to me.

"My uncle. He wants to see us."

"I want to meet him. I'm always open for this because I have no family left but you…"


	25. Chapter 25 BRIDE

It looked like Bill really wanted to see me because he knocked on my door the very next day.

I thought it was Lex coming back from the mansion – he had a meeting with his constructor and before that he'd been at work taking care of business. He had to learn a lot all over again.

But it was Bill who was standing in my door.

He smiled when he saw me and gave me flowers.

"For my beautiful niece," he said looking at me closely. "Well… you look fantastic!" he exclaimed. "That is my girl! So happy! The last time I saw you like that… well… you were little."

"Hah, thanks," I said ironically. "Come in."

"Where's your Lex?" he asked me looking around the small apartment.

Yes, I admitted, it was very small but we were about to move soon. Actually, what surprised me was that Lex was willing to stay here, he didn't insist on moving to a hotel. He had truly changed.

"He has a meeting, he'll be home soon…" then the door opened again and I saw my sweetheart.

"Lex!" I yelled.

I still wasn't adjusted to his constant presence, it all still seemed like a fairytale.

He kissed me, then he noticed Bill and assumed who he was because he came over to him and reached out his hand to him.

"I'm sorry for not remembering you, Mr Campton."

"Actually…" Bill cocked his hand. "We never met."

"Oh…"

I laughed.

"Now you can get to know each other and since Lex and I have no family but you left…"

"I understand," Bill said and let me lead him to the living room.

"I'll bring something to eat," I said and went to the kitchen.

Lex hated when I was cooking, not that he didn't enjoy the taste of the food but he said that we were so rich that I didn't have to do that. He could hire a professional cooker and I agreed for this but only when we would live in the mansion.

"Jessica…" Bill followed me a couple of minutes later.

"Bill… what are you doing? You're supposed to spend some time with Lex! He's all alone there!"

"I told him that I needed something from you… but what I really need is that I want to know whether you tell him that I'm a vampire or not. He'll eventually notice that something's wrong … don't you two want a happy eternal life?"

"Bill!" I hushed him down. "I just got him back and remember that I'm not ready to live in the darkness! I want to live my life from the beginning to the very end of it. I'm sorry but my answer is still 'no'."

"You'll change your mind when you get older. You'll like to stop the time but it'll be already too late… now you're so young…"

"Why do you care so much?"

"I don't want to be alone… I don't want to watch you die someday."

"You should've thought about this before you became a vampire," I cut him off and took the meal to the living room.

* * *

><p>Bill hadn't visited us since that time. I had the impression that he was mad at me but what could I do? I couldn't agree to his proposal, I didn't like it. I loved the sun. I loved that warm feeling on my skin… I loved seeing Lex's face in the light… I wouldn't give that up.<p>

* * *

><p>Lex proposed right after we'd moved back to the mansion.<p>

"We're starting a new life right now and I want it to be perfect. I want you to be my wife, not just my girlfriend…"

I laughed because he was right. The term 'girlfriend' didn't fit anymore. We were grown-ups and it was our time to be together. It was out time to get married and start a family.

* * *

><p>"Clark?" I dared to call him but not even from my phone. I didn't want Lex to accidentally find out about that conversation, he could always notice Clark's number on the bill.<p>

"Jessica! I'm so glad that you called! Where are you?" He hung up when I told him.

Of course… it wasn't enough that I called, he had to see me.

A minute went by, then another… he still wasn't here. I started wondering whether something happened… maybe he bumped into some building in a hurry while superspeeding here? But again – it wouldn't kill him.

Then I had the answer. He brought Chloe with him.

"Chloe!" I exclaimed and hugged her.

"Jessica! I've missed you so much!" she gasped. "I told Clark that if you ever called him again… he must take me!"

"I see you're still the man of your word, Clark," I winked at him and let him held me too.

"As always," he smiled. "How is it going with Lex?"

"Wonderful. Just wonderful. He's a better man now although, he suspects that he wasn't so good… after all he can read all the old newspapers and he had a feeling but… he's fine. He proposed."

"That's fantastic!" Chloe said enthusiastically.

"And what did you say?" Clark asked teasing me.

"I said… 'yes' of course," I told him.

"So, you waited for that kind of big news to meet your old pals? Hah?" Chloe asked.

"I wanted… I wanted to ask you if you… could come. I know it's a lot of risk but… Clark, you have your abilities so you can just blend in and you, Chloe, I would like you to be my maid of honor."

"And you think that Lex won't notice?"

"He knows that I don't have any friends. He and my uncle are all I've got now so… I'll tell him that you're just a woman who agreed to be my maid."

"And you expect him to believe it?"

"Have you ever seen a bride without her maid?"

"You've got a point…" Chloe laughed. "I'll be honored… but I have to ask you something."

"Yeah?"

"Oliver. What about him? We're together and… you don't want to see him ever again or…"

"I don't know…" I sighed. "Part of me forgave him a long time ago… it doesn't matter how ridiculously this will sound but… if he hadn't killed Lex, Lex wouldn't have a new body right now. He would still be a wreck."

"I can make Oliver unseen during the ceremony, just say if you want him there, if you don't… we'll understand," Clark said.

"I want him there," I decided. "Yes, you can tell him that I forgave him."

"It'll mean a lot to him," Chloe reassured me. "He's feeling pretty bad about what happened, even now. I can see it in his eyes. He's regretting all the time."

"And that is the very reason why I forgave him," I told them and looked at my watch. "I have to get back but… see you soon?"

"You've got it!"

* * *

><p>Surprisingly Lex bought my lie very easily. I told him that I hired a young woman to be my maid of honor and he didn't ask any questions. He did the same, he paid some man from LuthorCorp to be his groomsman.<p>

* * *

><p>I was standing alone in my dressing-room...<p>

I was wearing long white dress… the wedding dress and it was beautiful.

The day I thought that would've never come, just did!

I felt the rush of air and Clark stood right next to me. I saw him in the mirror I was looking at so I turned round.

Clark had Chloe in his arms and now he put her down.

"Hey… you're pregnant!" I noticed quickly because Chloe had a belly!

"Well… yeah, Oliver is very happy."

"The last time I saw you, you looked so normal…"

"I didn't say anything, I just thought it was your day, Lex proposed to you… now, you know."

"I'm so happy for you guys. Where is he? Oliver, I mean."

"He's outside," Clark said. "You look so beautiful in this dress!"

"Yes, the most beautiful bride I've ever seen!" Chloe added.

"Don't you exaggerate, ok?... I want to see Oliver."

"Can't it wait?"

"No… I'm afraid not… can you bring him to me? Just make sure that Lex won't notice."

"No problem, Jess… 'll be right back!"

Soon, Clark came back, this time through the door, dragging Oliver with him. I could see that the blonde guy didn't know how to act around me.

"It's ok, Oliver…" I turned to him. "I forgave you, I've done it a long time ago. Chloe's lucky to have such a man as the father of her baby."

"Really?" He dared to look at me. "Are you serious? You know I do regret what happened… I just…"

"I know… come here…" I hugged him. "Congratulations! You'll be a wonderful father."

"Thank you and… you look beautiful."

"Thanks," I smiled.

* * *

><p>There I was. Walking down the aisle toward the man I loved.<p>

My friends were there to watch. Chloe was there right by my side.

Such a shame that Bill couldn't be here… I wasn't able to throw a wedding in the middle of the night… it would be too suspicious and I really didn't want to. I wanted the sun on my face in that special day and I wanted to see Lex's face clearly.

When we were leaving the church Lex's and Clark's eyes accidentally met but fortunately Lex didn't recognize him…

* * *

><p>I noticed him in the evening, when the wedding reception started. He was standing by the entrance, looking at me dancing with my newly wedded husband.<p>

"Jessica…" He smiled when I came over to him after the dance.

"Bill…" I let him hug me.

"Tell Lex that my flight was cancelled or something like that."

"It's already been told," I reassured him. "I'm glad that you're here."

"Wouldn't miss it! You're such a beautiful bride!"

"I keep hearing that today," I laughed.

"Because it's true."

"How are you doing? I haven't seen you for a while. I even started to worry that you wouldn't show up."

"You know I had to. You're the only family I have left."

"Don't start… please, just don't…"

"I want to give you something as your wedding gift and I want it to be the eternal life," he persisted.

"What about my husband?"

"You can change him later."

"No, Bill… I can't…"

"I could force you, you know… I'm sure you would thank me later."

"You cannot force me."

"Why?"

"You know I would hate you and you wouldn't be able to stand it."

He sighed.

"You wouldn't hurt me," I repeated putting my hand on his shoulder. "Bill… I really want you to be present in my life but… I cannot agree to your terms…"

"So I won't be present in your life, Jessica… I won't stand you getting old… dying…"

"So, it's better to leave me now? Is that what you're saying?" I asked him deeply hurt, making a step back.

"Yes… I'm afraid so…"

"Go to hell then!" I yelled at him and turned around to get back to my husband.

I regretted those words… Bill really disappeared from my life for good and it hurt me…


	26. Chapter 26 JUNIOR

Two years later Lex got elected the president of the Unites States and I got pregnant.

I couldn't decide if I was really scared that he'd ran for the election or not… I guessed I'd trusted him and believed that the future would be better than in the prophecy I'd once seen .

Occasionally, I was seeing Clark, Chloe and Oliver but I was always doing it when Lex was out of town. It was safer that way and thanks to Clark's abilities we could meet unnoticed.

It was the brave new world… even when Lex wanted to find out who was the superhero called Superman (Clark finally chose a new more fitted name!) I convinced him that he was actually doing something good to this world and to the country we were living in, he was actually helping. Protecting us.

Lex finally understood it the day he almost got killed…

I stayed home that night because I was extremely pregnant and moving was difficult for me. Lex had some meeting in other town. He wasn't coming back so I started worrying…

I was just about to call him when he burst through the door.

"What happened?" I covered my mouth with my hands. His usual white suit was now dirty.

"Some guy tried to kill me," Lex told me.

"What?" I raised up from the sofa as fast as I could in my condition.

"Don't worry… I'm fine... stay calm because those emotions can be dangerous to our son."

Yes, it was going to be a boy and I was sure he would have red hair after me and Lex (when he'd had hair).

My pregnancy was a little endangered but the doctor said I would probably be fine, I just needed to be resting.

So, I came back to the sofa and Lex sit down by my side putting his arm around me. I laid my head on his shoulder.

"Tell me everything," I demanded.

"I guess you were right about Superman… this guy shot my guard and pointed his gun at me and then... this red-blue blur rushed toward me. I found myself on the ground, the guy missed me, Superman stopped him and left him for the police."

"Oh… " I snuggled into him and didn't even care that he was wearing dirty clothes. "That's wonderful… I wouldn't bare if something happened to you again…"

"I know, my love, I know…" He stroked my head. "I'm fine… thanks to him."

I needed to remember to thank Clark the next time I would see him.

"But you know… the strangest thing happened to me…" Lex started. "I had the impression that I knew him… this Superman… do you know something about that?"

I sighed. What should I say?

"What if I told you that he'd been this true friend who'd saved your life once when you'd crashed your car?"

"Really?" he looked at me closely.

"He wanted to stay away, to become the protector of people so he was glad that you couldn't remembered him… you two are on the same side, Lex."

"I would have to believe you, wouldn't I?

I caught myself on thinking about the words that Lex had said to Clark where they'd seen each other the last time. About two opponents… no, it wouldn't happen, couldn't.

"I want to meet him," Lex said after a couple of minutes of silence.

"Why?" I looked up at his face. "Isn't it better the way it is?"

"What are you keeping from me?" he suddenly asked sharply and looked at me reproachfully. "Just tell me… I know you didn't tell me the whole truth in the very beginning but I still loved you and stayed with you anyway."

Shit, I forgot that he could tell when I was lying or hiding the truth. He had that gift and I'd been perfectly aware of that once… what had happened that make me forget it?

"I figured I did something horrible," he said when I didn't answer, "but you still loved me so I thought I wouldn't push."

I looked down on the floor, avoiding his eyes.

"Tell me, I won't leave you and I promise you I won't change. This whole time I do nothing but trying to make up for the things I've done and I can't even remember them!"

He was doing pretty well… he managed to become the president without even knowing the prophecy that had foretold it... but didn't it mean just the opposite? That what was meant to be would happen anyway?

He took my chin in his two fingers and gently lifted my face up so I would look at him again.

"I also know that you knew the woman who was your bridesmaid…"

What? He knew? And I'd been so surprised that he hadn't suspected anything… I was a fool.

"You wanted to kill him, you wanted to kill your best friend. Is that what you needed to know?" I asked bitterly. "You were a really bad man, Lex, I've seen it and I loved you anyway. I didn't want you to know the whole truth because I was afraid it would change the goodness in you back into evilness. I was afraid it would change what we have."

"Can you, at least, take me to meet him?" he was pushing me.

"I think so…" I owed him that after all...

I called Clark telling him I needed him.

He flew to me just to found me with Lex there.

"What is he doing here? Jess…"

"Calm down C…" shit! I almost called him Clark! I had to be more careful! "It's fine. He's willing to work with you. He also wants to thank you for saving his life."

"She told me that you were the one who saved my life years ago when I drove from the bridge. Thank you… I want to get to know you, I want to help you. I'm the president after all. Let's make the world a better place together."

Prophecy my ass! I thought. It would be ok!

I looked at Lex loving him even more in that very moment if that was even possible, then I carefully looked back at Clark.

Superman turned his face to me too and I could swear that I saw emotions washing over his face.

He reached his hand out to Lex and Lex shook it.

Yes, it was a brave new world…

"Jessica?" Lex's expression changed. "Honey? What is happening?" he asked me.

Actually, I didn't know what was happening to me. All I knew was that I felt pain. A lot of unbearable pain in my stomach.

"Our baby…" I moaned. "Lex…" I would've fallen down on the ground if Clark hadn't caught me.

"I'll take her to a hospital," he told Lex.

"I need to be with her!" Lex yelled.

"I'll come back for you in a minute," Clark promised him and rushed with me to the nearest medical facility.

* * *

><p><em>I'd never been so terrified in my entire life… probably… considering the fact that I didn't remember most of it…<em>

_Jessica had never complained before, her pregnancy was in danger and there were complications but even then she hadn't complained. Until now._

_I had the impression that I'd waited for Superman to come back for hours but in reality it was even less than a minute. Exactly as he'd promised._

_He just came back and without saying a word rushed with me._

_We got to the hospital and when I got to the hall Jessica was still there, on a wheelchair._

_"Why won't you do something?" I screamed to nurses. "She needs a doctor!"_

_"Mr President… oh my… of course, immediately…"_

_Ah, I totally forgot about my position. All that mattered now was my wife that was in so much pain!_

_She was taken care of immediately and I followed her to her room._

_"Doctor will be here any second," the nurse reassured me._

_"Can you please call that number?" I gave her a card. "It's her personal doctor, he knows her condition well… we'll need him. They'll send him here in my private helicopter."_

_"Of course, Mr President but our doctor has to look at her. We cannot wait."_

_"I understand, thank you…" _

_She closed the door and I got to my wife._

_"Jessica…" I put a chair to her bed and sat down, then I stroked her hair. "Honey… can you hear me?" _

_Her eyes were closed but after a while, when she heard my voice, she opened them again._

_"Lex…" she whispered doing something that _ was_ probably supposed to be a smile.  
><em>

_"Honey, what is it?" I asked. "Is something wrong with the baby?"_

_"I think… I think it's time…" she sighed._

_"It's too early…"_

_"But it feels like it's time…"_

_Doctor burst through the door in his white apron and pushed me aside._

_"I'm sorry, Mr president but I have to examine her immediately."_

_"Of course…" I moved further away but stayed in the room. I needed to make sure she would be ok._

_"I think it's time…" Jessica repeated quietly and took a deep breath. She obviously had difficulties with breathing._

_"Yes, it is… but there are complications… Mrs Luthor... you have to give a birth to that baby right now. We don't have time to wait for your personal doctor… it can be too late then."_

_"Too late? What do you mean?" I asked panicking slightly.  
><em>

_"I need to talk to your husband and I'll be back in a minute. The nurse will prepare you," the doctor told my wife with a smile on his face. _

_Fake smile, I could tell, I could always tell but I hoped he managed to deceive her._

_We went outside._

_"Please, tell me that she'll be alright," I asked him. "I can't lose them…"_

_"I won't lie to you, Mr President… your wife's life is in danger and if she doesn't give a birth now… your baby's life may be in danger too."_

_I gasped looking away, avoiding his eyes. I felt like crying and didn't want him to see me in the moment of my greatest weakness._

_"Is there anything you can do?" I asked._

_"Of course… I will do anything in my power… I will appreciate if you would bring some specialist here too… to increase her chances, I won't lie to you, you can send for some better and more experienced specialist…"_

_"He's on his way, he's one of the best in the world," I assured him. "If he can't do it… no one can."_

_"So… I think it will be fine… I need you to stay here… I'll call for you if something happens…"_

_So, I was forced to wait outside in the hall…_

_It was the worst hour and a half of my life… and then I heard:_

_"Mr Luthor!" The doctor I'd told to call for just arrived. "I got here as quickly as I could…"_

_"I know, thank you." I raised from my sit to shake his hand._

_"Where's your wife?"_

_"In this room…" I pointed the door. "She's in labor…"_

_"Ok… I'll wash my hands, change my clothes and I'm go there to help…"_

_He left me alone for another half an hour._

_I could feel somebody's eyes on me but I just assumed that must be Superman. He didn't want me to see him, maybe he was afraid I could tell who he really was or remember something from our past._

_"Mr President…" My wife's doctor walked out of the room with blood on his clothes._

_"Oh my God… is she…" I started trembling._

_"She's alive… the next few hours will decide, I'm sorry… that's all even I can do… you have a beautiful baby boy."_

_Son… I had a son… but how could I be happy about that if my wife might still die? It was Jessica! I'd loved her the moment I'd seen her there in LuthorCorp, in my office when I'd lost my memories and if that was even possible I've been falling in love with her more and more as I'd begun getting to know her… _

_I couldn't lose her now. We had our lives ahead… I'd gotten elected… we had a son… I'd made a deal with Superman… and maybe someday in the future I would be able to remember everything…_

* * *

><p>Lex walked inside.<p>

I was too tired to talk, too tired to stay awake but I had to because I needed to see him again. To talk to him.

I knew I was dying. Doctors had done everything in their powers but it still wasn't enough…

"Jessica…" Lex got closer.

"This is our son…" I said looking at the nurse who'd been holding him.

I was too tired to do that myself what was killing me but Lex could.

"You're a daddy now." I smiled with tears in my eyes.

He took the baby from the nurse and looked at him with so much love in his eyes that it made my heart ache.

"He's so… tiny… and so beautiful…"

"He has red hair," I noticed.

"That actually isn't a surprise," Lex said sitting on the edge of my bed. "Look at him…"

"Little Alexander junior…" I whispered and had to lie down on my pillows again.

He looked at me and all that happiness disappeared from his face in an instant.

I couldn't lie to him… I couldn't hide anything… although, it could be so much helpful right now…

"Jess… you will not die," he said taking my hand in his and holding the baby with the other one.

I took his hand – still in the black glove.

If I died… would he be bad again? Because of that lost? The prophecy would be fulfilled at last…

"Don't leave me…" he asked me brushing gently my skin with his finger.

"Lex…" Then, when I looked into his eyes, a sudden idea came to my mind.

Of course! It was so obvious!

"You have to do something for me. You have to find my uncle Bill and bring him here as soon as possible."


	27. Chapter 27 NEW

"What?" Lex asked a little puzzled. "Jessica… don't… you are not going to die, you don't need to say goodbye to your uncle."

"It's not about saying goodbye, it's about living… he can… help… Lex…"

"Where is he?" I almost died of a heart attack when Clark asked me that question from outside the window.

"Lex… can you give us a moment?" I asked looking back at my husband.

"What… what are you talking about? Why Bill would help you? Why do you need to keep secrets from me?"

"Just do it, please… if you love me, you'll go."

He looked hurt but did what I'd asked him for.

_I have enough of those secrets! I want to remember! More than anything! But how…?_

"Clark… I know it'll sound crazy but… Bill's a vampire," I told him.

"What?... Like a meteor infected?"

"No, not like that. A real vampire. They'd been here before the meteor shower occurred… he offered me the chance to be like him but I turned him down. He got mad at me, didn't want to lose me when… well… when I die."

"So, that was the reason he left?"

"Yes."

"So immature…"

"I don't have time for that right now… I'm so tired that... I can barely speak… if you find him… bring him here and if it isn't too late for me… I'll agree to his proposal. I can't leave Lex. I've been through all of this… losing the person you love… it's terrible. I don't want him to feel what I felt once and I don't want my son to be raised without a mother… my death can make Lex bad again and what will happen to Alex then?"

"I would suggest Chloe but…"

"No, no Chloe… she's pregnant again and it would kill her baby." Yes, Chloe was about to have another child with Oliver.

"Ok, just tell me where do you think Bill may be…"

When Clark left Lex got back.

"Jessica… I know time isn't right but I'm sick of those secrets… you'll have to tell me everything when you get better…"

"Lex… I've already… I'm… so… tired…" I closed my eyes feeling his hand on mine. "Just let me sleep."

"Of course, my love… just… please, don't you dare to leave me…"

* * *

><p>"<em>Jessica!"<em>

"Jessica!"

"Wh… Whattt…?" I tried so hard to open my eyes.

"It's Bill, sweetheart… it's me… your uncle… I'm here…"

Bill…

He could save me…

"Bill…" I whispered finally opening my eyes.

I saw him standing right beside me, he didn't change at all – no surprise – but… he was standing in the daylight!

"Am I… del… delusional?" I asked. "Why… why are you walking in the sun?"

"It's the meteors! We found a way to be able to live like normal people! The meteors made it possible for us, darling!"

I smiled faintly.

"That's… that's just fantastic… I'll be able… to… ttoo be with Lex during… the day… change me... please… if you still want to…"

"There's nothing in this world I want more."

"Where's Lex?" I looked at Bill a little more conscious.

"He's outside. He'll wait."

"Good…"

…then I felt some pain in my neck… Bill bit me…

…when I was falling into the darkness I sensed that he put something to my mouth and made me drink… it was his blood…

* * *

><p>I opened my eyes and found myself in some dark place. Where was I?<p>

Then, when I started checking it up with my hands while not seeing anything I screamed.

I was in some very small… wooden place… a coffin? No… too big for a coffin…

"Jessica?" I heard Bill's voice from the distance.

"Bill! Let me out of here!" I screamed.

I saw the light upon me and he helped me out.

I recognized that place. It was his cellar, his lair… the one I'd found once under the ground.

Then I noticed how great I felt. I felt strong, healthy and powerful.

The world was beautiful again. I could sense so many stimuli from outside… I was a creature of the night now…

And I felt the hurtful need for something… then I realized… it was a need for blood.

I winced what made Bill laugh.

"You'll get used to it," he reassured me handing me over a bottle with some red liquid inside.

"I didn't even ask… do vampires kill people?" I hesitated. I didn't want to be bad. I just wanted to exist in this world for my husband and my son. "Where are Lex and Alex? Lex must has been worried sick!" Another question.

"First… drink…" Bill practically forced me to put the rim of the bottle to my mouth. "If you don't drink you will die Jessica and… no, we don't kill people. Some vampires do, but some people also do it… I'm the good one and I don't need to kill to survive… we can drink animal's blood or steal some blood from a hospital… of course we can also drink directly from humans and not kill them."

I winced again when finding the urge irresistible. I needed blood. I craved for it.

"You don't want to bite Lex or attack your child, do you?" Bill asked. "You are a new vampire, you need to learn how to control yourself… best way to do it is to drink now."

I sighed and drunk it all.

I was so surprised how good it tasted! Like ambrosia! Like the best chocolate in the world…

I wanted more… so much more… than I noticed…

"Oh my God!" I put my hands to my mouth.

I could feel the fangs sticking out of it.

"You can control it, you can hide it," Bill told me and after a couple of minutes of trying – I would've probably done it earlier if I hadn't been so sacred that maybe I wouldn't be able to – I did it.

I looked normal again.

"Ok, now this…" he handed me over another bottle but this one was green.

"What is it?"

"Remember when I told you about the meteors? They cured us. We're still vampires but we can walk in the sun. Drink this once and you'll never have to worry about it."

"How do you know that it won't stop affecting us one day?"

"Believe me, some of us are the greatest specialist and doctors in the world because they are immortal. They're learning all the time and keep improving themselves… they examined it and they were the ones who discovered the effect of meteors in the first place."

"Okey dokey," I said emptying the bottle but this time I winced because it was so disgusting!

"It's worth its taste," Bill patted my back. "Now you can drink another bottle of blood to forget how the meteors tasted… and then when you'll clean yourself up I'll let you go see your husband."

"Where is he?"

"At the mansion. He was pretty mad when Clark and I took you out of there without telling him but… he can't find you here so he has to wait patiently…"

"What should I tell him?" I got to my feet.

"What about the truth?"

"And how can I do that?"

"You know you'll have to eventually… you'll be young forever when he will die. You will have to change him too, you know… if you don't want to lose him again one day."

"Bill… I…" I knew there was no other choice. Or maybe there was? I didn't want to think about it now. I just needed to see him.

* * *

><p>"Lex?" I entered the living room in the mansion. "Are you in here?"<p>

"Jessica!" he was sitting by his desk. "I've been worrying sick!" he got up and ran to me sweaping me off my feet and taking in his arms. I had the impression that he would simply crash me. "I thought you were…" I felt his body shaking and realized he was crying.

I'd never seen him that way.

"Lex…" I pulled him even closer and also cried. "I would've never been able to leave you… that is why I made a very hard and difficult decision… I've done something that I would've never done... but… first, where is Alex?" I asked and he let me go off his arms.

He rubbed his eyes ashamed of his tears and pointed the cradle next to the sofa.

I made a step toward my child and suddenly I felt dizzy.

What was happing to me?

Then it struck me.

I looked into my son's eyes and saw him being born. Then I saw him in Lex's arms…

What the…

I turned round to look at Lex.

It was back.

My ability was back.

I saw him standing by the window of the LuthorCorp and then I saw myself running inside to meet him… that was the first thing he'd remembered.

At least I just found out how it worked for me. I could see only things that the person I was looking at remembered.

"Lex…" I said carefully. "My ability is back…"

"What?" His expression changed as he came closer to put his hands on my arms. "What do you mean? Why? How?"

"It's a long story…" I turned back to my son. "It probably happened because of that meteors that Bill…"

"He brought you back using them?"

"No… no… it was something else…" I sighed finally taking my son in my arms for the very first time.

I felt so much love for that little creature, so tiny… so lovable… our son… mine and Lex's.

"Jessica… I need to know the tr…" Lex started but he didn't finish because something broke the window and suddenly Lex fell on the floor.

"Lex?" I asked looking at the shattered glass and back at my husband and in the same time I tried to protect Alex with my arms.

Lex started bleeding…

Then I realized that he'd been shot!


	28. Chapter 28 MEMORIES

"Jessica!" Bill burst through the door.

"He's been shot!... Lex! Lex! Stay with me!" I looked back at my husband.

I heard Alex crying but I couldn't be in two places at once.

"I saw the guards… they've caught the man who did that," Bill notified me squatting by us. "Jess…" he started alarmingly. "Somebody aimed at the heart and didn't miss… no one will be able to safe him… but…"

"Oh no!" I screamed, tears appeared in my eyes. "I can't! I haven't even managed to tell him yet! And my ability's back! The meteors!"

"He's dying! If not now… then never…"

I looked at Bill and immediately bent over to bite my husband.

My fangs pierced the skin on his neck and I shivered surprised how natural and good it felt, like I was the oppressor and he was the victim.

His blood tasted amazingly good… too good… it was filling me up... giving me some extraordinary strength... it was like the best drug... my own personal kind of heroine...

"Stop!" Bill stopped me just in the right moment. "I assume that when you love somebody their blood tastes better but… you want to save him, not kill him… now, give him your blood…"

"He's unconscious…" I started sobbing. Was it already too late? Did I mess it all up?

Bill cut my wrist and forced me to put it to Lex's mouth making the blood dropping between his lips.

"That will do…" We both fell on the floor, breathing fast.

"Oh… my… God…" I put my hands to my mouth, still in shock, still couldn't believe what I'd actually just done.

"We need to get him out of here…" Bill took Lex's body to our bedroom just in time before the guards came in.

"Mr president…"

"He's fine…" I said covering the blooded floor with a blanket. They didn't notice. Thank God.

"Where is he?"

"He's resting now…" I looked at them and then it was again… I saw their pasts… I winced.

"Ma'm? Are you ok? You don't look good... we heard your scream…"

"Well… it scared me but whoever did that… missed…"

"We got him. He'll be sent to prison where he'll be waiting for a trail. Trying to kill the president… it's kind of a big deal."

"I understand and now… if you excuse me… I will go to put my son to sleep." I took Alex from the cradle and went to the bedroom.

"Bill?" I was doing my best to calm my child down while dying to find out about Lex's condition.

"He'll be fine… I mean… vampire fine…" Bill answered.

"Bill… I…" I stopped. "I don't know what to say… you came here just in the right moment… I would've never acted so quickly if I'd been alone… and then… it would've been to late…"

"Don't think about it, hon…" his face lightened up when he looked at Alex. "Can I hold him?"

"Actually… I'll appreciate that… I need to be by Lex's side now…" I handed the baby over to Bill and it immediately stopped crying. "Wow… looks like he adores you, uncle Bill…" I smiled to him.

Bill returned the gesture and got to the chair.

I sat by Lex. He was lying on the bed, looking like he was dead, so pale and with his bald skull it gave a really dreadful effect.

"Don't worry… he'll be ok, really… just trust me on this… in a minute I'll go bring some meteors juice."

"Bill… my ability's back…"

"I'm so sorry… it must be because of the meteors… If I knew…"

"It's ok, it's the price I'm willing to pay…" I sighed. "What's weird… I can't see anything when I look at you…"

"Maybe because I'm a vampire. Vampires are dead."

"That would be a very good explanation."

"And the only one…"

"When will Lex wake up?" I asked again after couple of minutes.

"Probably in two hours… maybe a little longer because his body wasn't in very good condition when he was turned…"

"Ok…" So I had to wait…

* * *

><p>It was killing me. Bill was gone – for some blood and meteors – and I was left alone with Alex in my arms and my dead husband who was just turning into a vampire!<p>

Was it the only child we would ever have? Probably yes. No, not probably, definitely. Vampires couldn't reproduce.

Vampire parents… that was an interesting thing… vampire parents to a human child.

When I thought about it I realized how deliciously my child smelt, I hadn't sensed it before because I'd been so scared about Lex. Oh my God… I couldn't think like that! It was my child! I would've never hurt him! Of course… I would've never hurt him… he could smell good but I was his mother and I knew I would protect him with my life, not the other way around.

I suddenly noticed Lex moving…

"Lex…?" I asked with hesitation carefully placing Alex back into the cradle.

"Jess…" Lex sighed and then opened his eyes broadly like he was shocked… well… he had the right to be shocked and terrified. He must see everything like through completely new eyes.

For me it wasn't so drastically because I woke up in complete darkness.

Good thing that Bill remembered to cover the windows.

"Lex… how are you feeling?" I asked him carefully.

Was it reasonable of me to put a new vampire who never tasted blood in one room with his human child?

Fortunately, Bill came back in the very same moment so I felt relieved.

"What shall I do?" I asked him. "He's waking up."

"Here you have the bottles…" he gave me the exact three bottles that I'd been using before. "And I will protect the baby." He stood between the cradle and the bed Lex was lying on.

"Lex… can you hear me?" He scared me because he suddenly sat down on the bed taking a really deep breath.

"What happened?" he asked me looking at me terrified.

"Just calm down…"

"He's been dead so that's why it's so hard for him now…" Bill explained.

"What are you talking about?" Lex asked me puzzled and confused.

"Lex… there is not an easy way to say this…" I started. "Just… please, don't freak out… I was dying so I sent for Bill… he brought me back but I've changed… remember when I told you that I have my ability back?"

"Yess…" he hesitated.

"It must be some side effect…"

"A side effect of what exactly?" He watched me carefully.

"Eeehh… of this…" I showed him my fangs and he almost recoiled with fear.

"Oh my God… what is that?" He got closer again knowing that I wouldn't hurt him.

"I'm so sorry, Lex… I'm a vampire… Bill is one and he wanted to change me from the very beginning but I didn't want to. I wanted to be with you, I wanted to enjoy a human life, have children and we have one now but again… I wouldn't agree to that if my life wasn't in danger… it was the only way for us to be together. Then you got shot right through the heart… there was no way that you would live, not even the best doctors in the world… I had no choice… I'm sorry… I'm so so sorry… I hope you don't hate me…" I looked down waiting for his reaction. Was I babbling too much? Did I make it all clear enough?

He was speechless.

"Lex?" I asked after a longer time of silence daring to look at him again.

"Vampires…" he gasped. "Are they meteor infected?"

"No… they were here long before the meteors…"

"Ok… well… wow… the immortal president of the United States… you know how it sounds? A vampire president?" Suddenly, he started laughing and I found myself laughing too.

Humor was a medication for pain after all, right?

"There is no way I would ever hate you for something like… I would do the same if I were you… you've been through enough so I can't blame you for bringing me back."

I smiled to him.

"You just… you just have to give me a little time to get used to this…"

Finally… happy forever?

* * *

><p><em>Something woke me up in the night…<em>  
><em>For a moment I wasn't sure what it was… I felt… kind of dizzy but how I could feel like that while I was lying in bed?<em>  
><em>I remembered what had happened the day before and then I remembered the night… vampire sex was even wilder than human… I could had felt it all magnified about hundreds of times… Last night had been amazing…<em>  
><em>I remembered our grunts and screams... so animalistic... I remembered our fangs sticking out... we couldn't had controlled them at certain point anymore... I remembered our orgasms so much magnified... our nails scraping our bodies until blood had flooded... the wounds had healed so quickly... it'd been almost unbearable for humans but we hadn't been humans anymore, we'd been vampires and we could had stood it all... blissfulness...<em>  
><em>Brave new world<em>  
><em>Again… dizziness… why?<em>  
><em>I carefully took Jessica off my chest and got out of bed trying my best not to wake her up. I went to the balcony.<em>  
><em>And there it was… <em>  
><em>What I wanted the whole time…<em>  
><em>My memories…<em>  
><em>I'd been a badass… bullied… I… I'd killed my father… wanted to use Jessica before I'd seen her… I'd fallen in love with her but still desperately wanted to know the truth about the Traveler and Clark… I'd almost died when the fortress had collapsed and… I'd died eventually… left her… then my father had brought me back… given his life up for me… he'd come from other dimension…<em>  
><em>It was all so confusing… my mind was bouncing from one memory to the other and I put my hands on my head… I couldn't bare it… it was aching… <em>  
><em>And then…<em>  
><em>Just like that…<em>  
><em>I was Lex Luthor again.<em>  
><em>I was the president of the United States so I'd been the most powerful man in the country.<em>  
><em>And I knew the true identity of the man who called himself Superman.<em>


	29. Chapter 29 FRIEND

I woke up just to find out that Lex wasn't by my side.

Where was he then?

"Lex?" I asked but no one answered me.

I put my robe on and went to the living room. Still – no sign of Lex.

I decided to call him as soon as I took a shower and put some clothes on but before that I'd needed to see how Alex had been doing.

He was still sleeping so I smiled and hit the bathroom.

* * *

><p>After half an hour Clark flied through my window.<p>

"Jesus, Clark! Do you want to get me a heart attack?" I yelled at him the usual.

"I don't think that vampires can have a heart attack…" Clark said but his face was very serious.

"Something happened?" I asked.

"Yes, Lex happened. Did you know about it?"

"About what?" I had a really bad feeling…

"Jessica… he wants to start a war with Russia…"

"What? He wanted peace!" Then I figured it out. "Oh my God!" I exclaimed covering my mouth with my hands.

"What? What is it?" Clark got concerned and made a few steps toward me.

"When I became a vampire and drank that meteor juice… my ability was back… what if…"

"Lex has his memories back?" Clark burst. "We have to stop him!"

"It was all in this prophecy I saw in his head once! He was a president and he declared war that… destroyed the world…" I screamed when suddenly Clark took me into his arms and flied with me.

"Calm down. I won't drop you…" he assured me.

"I didn't know you could fly so high... and so fast…"

"Lois loves it."

"Yeah, I bet she does…" I snorted.

We found ourselves by the White House within a moment and Clark flied through the window right into Lex's cabinet.

Lex wasn't even startled. He must had suspected that Clark would've come eventually.

"Hello, Clark…" he said turning round to face him.

It was the ultimate proof that his memories were restored.

"Jess…" his voice softened when he looked and me and spoke my name.

I suddenly understood. I was the key. I was always the one who could have the control over him, I was his light, the light to his darkness, I was the only one who could stop him now.

"Lex… don't you remember what you did the last time? You made yourself an invalid and then the van you were inside of… just exploded killing you. You'd told me right before you died that you'd regretted it. Remember?"

"I remember that Oliver Queen killed me. I want my revenge now…"

"What?" I couldn't believe my own ears! "Lex! Oliver might kill you but he's regretted it ever since! I forgave him and he is a father and a husband now!"

"So? I had you back then…"

"He did you a favor!" I suddenly roared. "If it hadn't been for him you wouldn't have been given your body back!" Painful true but true indeed.

"I would. Why do you think I started the clones production? To heal myself!"

"What?... But… you said we would never see each other again!"

"I didn't want to give you any false hope!"

"What did you do to Oliver?" Clark suddenly cut in.

"Nothing yet… in about…" Lex took a glance at his watch, "a minute… his car will explode…" I felt the sudden rush of air and Clark was gone.

"Fast, isn't he?" Lex winked at me and walked over to his desk.

"What is it, Lex?" I asked him looking at some box. It had one red button on top.

"Detonator… I press it and… boom… We'll build a brave new world, my love."

"You cannot do that! Don't you remember what you once said to me? You didn't want the world to end! You wanted to live. Live in peace! Why would you do something like that? You are the president! There is no higher step to gain power for you! You've already reached the top! Just let it go!"

"No can do," he just said. "I still have the whole world to conquer."

His language changed. Now he was teasing me, speaking in a way I'd never heard him speaking before. Like somebody evil. Somebody who didn't care about anything else but himself...

"Lex… what about your son?" I asked and his hand with a black glove on stopped a inch from the button. "Do you want him to live in a world like that? Do you really want him to have a killer for a father? You're already a killer but it's in the past, you've been given a new life, a chance to be better. Don't jeopardize it. You can still change… you have to. Do you really want Alex to be raised in a family like you were? If you remember everything you also remember how your father treated you and your mother. You must remember that she killed your younger brother, Julian, just to save him from Lionel's influence… please, don't be that kind of a father for Alex. I want him to be a good man… and I want you by my side. We can raise him together and we can be happy!" I was practically crying now. I was saying everything that came to my mind because I didn't know what should I say to stop him. Alex seemed like the perfect choice and... he last hope...

"Do you think I want that?" Lex suddenly asked. "I don't!"

"So, why are you doing it?"

Clark came back. I felt it more than I saw it because my attention was still only focused on Lex.

"Because I killed her!" Lex roared. "I killed my sister! Tess!"

"She sacrificed herself to make a better man out of you! To give you a better life! And what are you doing right now? You're wasting that sacrifice! Look at this from that perspective!"

Lex started shaking. I could see him slowly changing his mind… he took a step back… so, I took the opportunity and got to him standing between him and the box, then Clark took the box away.

I reached up and put my arms around Lex but his shoulders were still hung by his side. He didn't move to hug me back, he was just standing there like a mannequin.

"I love you, no matter what. I still love you and I always will. Please, stop… for me… don't let the vicious circle repeat itself… I don't want to lose you again… I won't survive… we've already gotten so far…"

"But… I can't change… It's all in my blood…"

"You can always fight your genes."

"I killed my sister..." he kept repeating and I had the impression that he was just about to cry.

"She would forgive you if she could see you right now. She would be proud of you. She would be happy to give up her life again just to make you this way."

"But Oliver…"

"He's fine… I've saved him and didn't tell him that it was you who'd tried to kill him." Clark spoke.

"I…" Lex's body shook once more and I held him tighter.

"Lex… I'm willing to be your friend again. Do you remember our friendship? It was something special… you used to say that it would be legendary… maybe it still can be?" Clark reached out his hand to him and I knew that there was nothing more we could do to bring him back.

Now the decision was only his.

"I shook your hand once… when I became the president and you saved my life… again… Clark… I will be happy to do it… again." So, he did.

I couldn't believe what I just witnessed.

Reconciliation.

The final reconciliation.

"Abort…" Lex spoke to the loud speaker. "I don't know how will I explain it…" He turned back to us.

"You can always say that somebody hacked into your computer system…" Clark winked.

"Into the White House?" Lex looked at him bobbing his eyebrows.

"Chloe will take care of it… you would be surprised…"

* * *

><p>We got back home and Lex went straight to Alex's room…<p>

He took him in his arms and kissed his red head.

"I'm sorry, my son… your daddy will be a better man from now on… for you and for your mommy…" I put a hand on my husband's arm and kissed Alex in the head too.

"How are we going to explain to him that we won't get any older?" Lex asked the perfect question.

"We'll see when we get there… I'm sure that everything will work out by itself… just live in a moment…"

_Live in the moment…_ the only reasonable thing to do in this world…

* * *

><p>"Jessica… I need to ask you something…" Clark started.<p>

"Clark! You won't believe it! Chloe and Oliver were just here with their children and he and Lex are good again! Lex forgave him… what happened?" I noticed that he looked very worried.

"It's Lois…"

"Something happened to Lois?"

"No… it's just… we can't have children…"

"Oh… I'm so sorry…"

"Yeah… it seems like the body I have only looks human... I can't have children here… I think we're going to adopt…"

"That's a good thing. There are a lot of children who need home and… you were adopted. I'm sure you'll do great."

"Yes… but… there's also something else… I found out that… I don't… get any older… I'm just stuck in this body and I will probably be like that… forever…"

"Wow…" That was a lot to take in. "Just... wow…"

"Yeah… So, I went to see my trusted doctor when we still couldn't get pregnant and… would you be so kind and turn Lois into a vampire?"

"What… wait… WHAT?" he startled me. I wasn't expecting THAT.

"I didn't want this for her but I had to agree. She doesn't want to get older when I won't… and... she wants to be with me and I want to be with her. Forever."

I smiled.

It was a brave new world...

...and it had so much fascinating different flavors...

**THE END**


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